HAPPY NEW YEAR dear readers. Mickey and Davie are back. Yes baby, just like the great 80's pop band Spandau Ballet, Mickey and I have put pur differences behind us, decided on a fair 50/50 split on the royalties for this column and are now in serious training for what promises to be a very exciting 2009. Forget the troubled economic times my friends. Don't worry about quantitive easing, it's all about 24, The Shield, Lost, Damages, The Bill and the last 5 episodes of Prison Break. Starting from tomorrow as I am bit tired now and am heading off to bed.
PS Big thanks to Cuddles for masterminding our comeback - without you big man - none of this would have been written.
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Thursday, 6 November 2008
What has Mickey been up to?
You see, what happened was, it was like October, right? And I was all ready to write something about the Saturday night More 4 drama John Adams. So I turned on my television to watch an episode so that it could inspire words to come out of my brain and onto the screen, when I accidentally caught a glimpse of Hole In The Wall.
The shock put me in a coma for the past four weeks.
Not really! I've just been really lazy and I've been on holiday! Yes. And here is what I did on my holiday:
I went to South Africa. I saw some animals. I had a turbulent flight where I thought I would die, but I didn't. I met a couple of girls in Cape Town who took me to a late bar, but I was getting tired, so I made my excuses and left.
And that is what I did on my holiday.
Can I just take this opportunity to apologise to anyone and everyone who has read this blog and may read about this blog in the future, in respect of my earlier comment about being in a coma. It was in very poor taste, it was not at all funny, and I did not mean to offend anyone who may themselves be in a coma or may know someone or know of someone who is in a coma.
For this reason, I have decided to resign immediately from Mickey and Davie's TV Rant. Everyone has my sincere and very sincere apologies. I would like to ask you all now one last favour. Please leave Davie alone. It wasn't his fault that I wrote those things. Yes, he may have been sitting in the background goading me, but I'm the one what wrote them words.
Please stop this constant media hounding of a basically good man, misguided yes, a little stupid maybe, but a decent man nonetheless who only ever wanted to make people happy, to make the world smile. A fundamentally caring man can no longer step outside of his house to take his dog for a walk without being hounded by at least three photographers clammering for a shot of his shattered tearstained eyes, his face betraying the guilt of a man who knows he made a stupid mistake.
Instead, these people should go round Jeremy Clarkson's house, because those things he said about truck drivers were unforgiveable. Traitor!! Terrorist!!! Kill him!! etc.
I am really enjoying John Adams though.
The shock put me in a coma for the past four weeks.
Not really! I've just been really lazy and I've been on holiday! Yes. And here is what I did on my holiday:
I went to South Africa. I saw some animals. I had a turbulent flight where I thought I would die, but I didn't. I met a couple of girls in Cape Town who took me to a late bar, but I was getting tired, so I made my excuses and left.
And that is what I did on my holiday.
Can I just take this opportunity to apologise to anyone and everyone who has read this blog and may read about this blog in the future, in respect of my earlier comment about being in a coma. It was in very poor taste, it was not at all funny, and I did not mean to offend anyone who may themselves be in a coma or may know someone or know of someone who is in a coma.
For this reason, I have decided to resign immediately from Mickey and Davie's TV Rant. Everyone has my sincere and very sincere apologies. I would like to ask you all now one last favour. Please leave Davie alone. It wasn't his fault that I wrote those things. Yes, he may have been sitting in the background goading me, but I'm the one what wrote them words.
Please stop this constant media hounding of a basically good man, misguided yes, a little stupid maybe, but a decent man nonetheless who only ever wanted to make people happy, to make the world smile. A fundamentally caring man can no longer step outside of his house to take his dog for a walk without being hounded by at least three photographers clammering for a shot of his shattered tearstained eyes, his face betraying the guilt of a man who knows he made a stupid mistake.
Instead, these people should go round Jeremy Clarkson's house, because those things he said about truck drivers were unforgiveable. Traitor!! Terrorist!!! Kill him!! etc.
I am really enjoying John Adams though.
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Wednesday nights
Ah I love Wednesday. Half of the week is over and of course at 8 pm there is tv gold in the form of the restaurant. I know, I know, it clashes with the Bill but record the Bill and watch it the way God intended , on a Sunday morning with a nice cup of coffee. Quite where they found this years candidates for the Restaurant, I have no idea. Did Raymond Blanc stand in the middle of a town with a billboard "dumbasess please come here and sign up for my new series"? There are now only 4 couples left - 2 who can win - the lad who wears purple and his "effervescent" mrs, and the couple that basically serve up home made food, serve it with a smile and then charge you restaurant prices. I like both couples and surely Raymond is only ever going to invest his money with one of these couples. Being the best couples means they are not as entertaining though. The entertainment now comes from James and Alistair. James is about 25 and can cook. However he is being portrayed as possibly the biggest bully since Adolf Hitler and his treatment of simpering Alistair has to be seen to be believed. They are describe as childhood friends. I can only assume that means James bullied Alastair at primary school and has decided to dedicate his life to perfecting that art. Alastair for his part is madly in love with James and clearly values any form of attention even if it is a sharp kick in the bollocks. In last weeks episode, Alastair had a mini-breakdown and conceivably was thinking of suicide as the dinner party they were catering for threatened to turn into a huge disaster. As he curled up in the corner sobbing his heart out, good old James was trying to perfect his Ali G routine by clicking his fingers and shouting "booyakasha" whilst at the same time dressing a tomato salad with a nice balsamic dressing. Tv gold my friends. Watch it.
Mickey is on holiday by the way. I might write some more tomorrow if I can be bothered.
Mickey is on holiday by the way. I might write some more tomorrow if I can be bothered.
Monday, 15 September 2008
Not really worth the wait
I turned on my television last night to see that my prayers had finally been answered. Suddenly here was a television show to do my 46" screen justice.
Move aside High Definition Dexter. Farewell The Restaurant. Sling your hook UKtv Drama repeats of Tom Baker era Doctor Who. There's a new show in town, and it is about to rock our world.
Ever since I gave up on the idea of 3-D television I've been a huge fan of old school variety. You know, a bit of a song here, a bit of a dance there, maybe a musical number, mixed up with some family friendly stand up, with a pretty lady showing a bit of leg singing a song for the Dads.
I've also been a big fan of Vernon Kay. The tall man from Bolton has long been a guarantee of quality early evening entertainment, Just The Two Of Us, Hit Me Baby One More Time, All Star Family Fortunes, that one where you've got to beat the celebrity. And his overplayed accent is priceless, reminiscent of Cilla on Blind Date.
But of course my favourite thing in the whole world is the outrageous Joan Rivers. Ever since she was introduced to me in her outrageous chat show Can We Talk? I've been fan of her outrageous comedy and the way she says outrageous things. Honestly, some of the things she says are outrageous!
Put them all together and you should have television gold. He's tall and a bit cheeky, she's outrageous and the things she says are outrageous, the sexual chemistry should be electric. Welcome to For One Night Only.
And yet, and yet. Somehow it didn't work. It all seemed a little contrived. When I found out that "The Jersey Boys" were going to be on, singing a special set of tunes especially for the television show, I could have cried with anticipation. But when they came on, it was all I could do to stop vomiting.
Was it too much of a good thing? It sort of reminded me of way back in 1993, when my three favourite things were Doctor Who, EastEnders and of course 3-D television. The special Doctor Who episode, Dimensions in Time, which had the Doctor, joining the cast of EastEnders, all filmed in 3-D seemed like the best television programme ever. It looked so good on paper. How could it fail? And yet, and yet.
Move aside High Definition Dexter. Farewell The Restaurant. Sling your hook UKtv Drama repeats of Tom Baker era Doctor Who. There's a new show in town, and it is about to rock our world.
Ever since I gave up on the idea of 3-D television I've been a huge fan of old school variety. You know, a bit of a song here, a bit of a dance there, maybe a musical number, mixed up with some family friendly stand up, with a pretty lady showing a bit of leg singing a song for the Dads.
I've also been a big fan of Vernon Kay. The tall man from Bolton has long been a guarantee of quality early evening entertainment, Just The Two Of Us, Hit Me Baby One More Time, All Star Family Fortunes, that one where you've got to beat the celebrity. And his overplayed accent is priceless, reminiscent of Cilla on Blind Date.
But of course my favourite thing in the whole world is the outrageous Joan Rivers. Ever since she was introduced to me in her outrageous chat show Can We Talk? I've been fan of her outrageous comedy and the way she says outrageous things. Honestly, some of the things she says are outrageous!
Put them all together and you should have television gold. He's tall and a bit cheeky, she's outrageous and the things she says are outrageous, the sexual chemistry should be electric. Welcome to For One Night Only.
And yet, and yet. Somehow it didn't work. It all seemed a little contrived. When I found out that "The Jersey Boys" were going to be on, singing a special set of tunes especially for the television show, I could have cried with anticipation. But when they came on, it was all I could do to stop vomiting.
Was it too much of a good thing? It sort of reminded me of way back in 1993, when my three favourite things were Doctor Who, EastEnders and of course 3-D television. The special Doctor Who episode, Dimensions in Time, which had the Doctor, joining the cast of EastEnders, all filmed in 3-D seemed like the best television programme ever. It looked so good on paper. How could it fail? And yet, and yet.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Never mind July - what about August
Many apologies to what is left of our dwindling fan base for the lack of material to brighten your lives in the past few months. I too disgust myself. I have been so busy enjoying the great British summer to watch any TV. It has been one long string of beach parties, bbq's and surfboarding. Oh and I changed internet provider and it took a while to work. Good old sky.
Anyway -what has Davie been watching I hear you muse. Well of course my dear friends I have been watching the same old trite that I normally watch, Eastenders(ok), the Bill (brilliant as usual) and my old favourite Dragons Den is back. DD appears to have become a split camp between with Pete and his old mucker Theo on one side and dozy Dunc and the recruitment bloke on the other. All 4 are scared of Deborah so she does not need to take sides. If their is an investable proposition then Pete and Theo will outbid and outcharm Dunc and let's call the other bloke Jimmy. Time after time Dunc and Jimmy look really sad after being gazumped by Pete and Theo. Of course P&T do not always invest - when they do declare themselves out, it is great to see the look of delight on Duncs face. He will then make an offer which is often accepted but then he looks along the line to see P&T doubled up with laughter after seen him throw another £100k into a pointless venture. It is like watching a kitten drown - cruel but strangely you find yourself unable to turn away.
That's all for now - let's hope Mickey gets off his lazy backside and blogs soon
Anyway -what has Davie been watching I hear you muse. Well of course my dear friends I have been watching the same old trite that I normally watch, Eastenders(ok), the Bill (brilliant as usual) and my old favourite Dragons Den is back. DD appears to have become a split camp between with Pete and his old mucker Theo on one side and dozy Dunc and the recruitment bloke on the other. All 4 are scared of Deborah so she does not need to take sides. If their is an investable proposition then Pete and Theo will outbid and outcharm Dunc and let's call the other bloke Jimmy. Time after time Dunc and Jimmy look really sad after being gazumped by Pete and Theo. Of course P&T do not always invest - when they do declare themselves out, it is great to see the look of delight on Duncs face. He will then make an offer which is often accepted but then he looks along the line to see P&T doubled up with laughter after seen him throw another £100k into a pointless venture. It is like watching a kitten drown - cruel but strangely you find yourself unable to turn away.
That's all for now - let's hope Mickey gets off his lazy backside and blogs soon
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
What happened to July?
Good grief. I didn't post in July. I disgust myself sometimes. What a nasty lazy layabout I am. I could vomit with shame.
Excuses? I wasn't on holiday. I haven't stopped watching television. My computer still works. I have no excuse other than my own pitiful crapness.
Anyway, enough about me. What about my new telly?
Yes. I've got a new telly. My old one broke. Three years into its life it decided to go all snowy, and I couldn't watch anything. So I've bought a new one. It's bigger and has that high definition thing and has a five year guarantee in case it decides to break in three years time.
And what have I been watching on my lovely new television?
Nothing really. Television has never been so bad.
When Dragons' Den is the highlight of the week, you know you're in trouble. First couple of series were great. All business and I'm not going to invest and it's a Den first and just so you know I'm out and remember if the hopefuls must receive an offer for all of the investment they ask for or they won't get anything and just so you know I'm out. Great stuff.
But it bores me now. It's all the same. Four main pitches, the first or second will receive an offer which may or may not be accepted. The third doesn't. The fourth does, often in a dramatic turn of events. You know it's a dramatic turn of events because Evan tells us. "In a dramatic turn of events..." he says. He'll follow it up by "It's a Den first."
One thing that has changed this series is that Peter Jones is no longer described as "One of Britain's best known entrepreneurs". What's that all about? Has he become less well known over the past twelve months? Or maybe he realised that it made him sound like a bit of a precious tool.
Dragons Den of course is not the best programme on television at the moment. That falls to Dexter on FX. I never got to see the first series until it was repeated on ITV a couple of months ago. Excellent stuff. It appears that FX is the only channel to actually show good drama at this time of year. It's also got the Wire. I'm not watching that though as I'm watching it on DVD and I'm only onto series 3.
I did try watching a couple of episodes of The Unit. It looks great on paper. David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross), Shawn Ryan (The Shield) as Executive Producers and sometimes writers, Dennis Haysbert (off of 24) as the main blokey, good supporting cast including that blokey from Terminator 2 and the later series of the X Files.
It was rubbish! How can the bloke who created the Shield have anything to do with this tripe? It's all husbands and wives arguing, and wives arguing with each other and husbands going off somewhere to shoot people and it ends with what can only be described as an unashamedly anti-French musical number which made me cringe more than the Apprentice.
Maybe I watched a bad episode, but come on! You wouldn't find Starbuck and Boomer singing anti-French songs on Battlestar Galactica.
Excuses? I wasn't on holiday. I haven't stopped watching television. My computer still works. I have no excuse other than my own pitiful crapness.
Anyway, enough about me. What about my new telly?
Yes. I've got a new telly. My old one broke. Three years into its life it decided to go all snowy, and I couldn't watch anything. So I've bought a new one. It's bigger and has that high definition thing and has a five year guarantee in case it decides to break in three years time.
And what have I been watching on my lovely new television?
Nothing really. Television has never been so bad.
When Dragons' Den is the highlight of the week, you know you're in trouble. First couple of series were great. All business and I'm not going to invest and it's a Den first and just so you know I'm out and remember if the hopefuls must receive an offer for all of the investment they ask for or they won't get anything and just so you know I'm out. Great stuff.
But it bores me now. It's all the same. Four main pitches, the first or second will receive an offer which may or may not be accepted. The third doesn't. The fourth does, often in a dramatic turn of events. You know it's a dramatic turn of events because Evan tells us. "In a dramatic turn of events..." he says. He'll follow it up by "It's a Den first."
One thing that has changed this series is that Peter Jones is no longer described as "One of Britain's best known entrepreneurs". What's that all about? Has he become less well known over the past twelve months? Or maybe he realised that it made him sound like a bit of a precious tool.
Dragons Den of course is not the best programme on television at the moment. That falls to Dexter on FX. I never got to see the first series until it was repeated on ITV a couple of months ago. Excellent stuff. It appears that FX is the only channel to actually show good drama at this time of year. It's also got the Wire. I'm not watching that though as I'm watching it on DVD and I'm only onto series 3.
I did try watching a couple of episodes of The Unit. It looks great on paper. David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross), Shawn Ryan (The Shield) as Executive Producers and sometimes writers, Dennis Haysbert (off of 24) as the main blokey, good supporting cast including that blokey from Terminator 2 and the later series of the X Files.
It was rubbish! How can the bloke who created the Shield have anything to do with this tripe? It's all husbands and wives arguing, and wives arguing with each other and husbands going off somewhere to shoot people and it ends with what can only be described as an unashamedly anti-French musical number which made me cringe more than the Apprentice.
Maybe I watched a bad episode, but come on! You wouldn't find Starbuck and Boomer singing anti-French songs on Battlestar Galactica.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
F word on Channel 4
F word on Channel 4
Watched it
Nothing else on TV
Not since..
Heroes
Finished
Watch it again ?
No chance.
Conversing like this
My new style
Watched it
Nothing else on TV
Not since..
Heroes
Finished
Watch it again ?
No chance.
Conversing like this
My new style
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