Doctor Who and the Lazy One Joke Comedienne

Ladies and gentlemen, I write this as half a man. What made me what I am has been taken away from me. I am living in a strange limbo world that resembles my OnDigital years.

Regular readers will be more than aware that I am currently in the process of moving house. I was informed by my solicitors that I'd be moving today, so Virgin took all my stuff away yesterday. Of course, I didn't move today and won't move until at least next week so I'm spending the next week or so without an internet connection or cable television. It's awful. I have to watch television like it's the seventies. I have to sit through the adverts. I started watching The Thick of It last night, and almost immediately decided I needed the toilet, but I couldn't pause. It was hell. An hour of pant-wettingly amusing comedy and me needing to go.

But that's not important. What is important is that someone at the BBC (someone, perhaps it was Russell T Davies, I don't know) decided that it would be a good idea to get Catherine Tate to be the Doctor's new assistant for the whole of the next series. Someone thought that rather than continue the recent trend of great storylines and good actors, they'll take a short cut and go for a familiar face with a personality that will appeal to the Little Britain generation.

It's an absolute disgrace. It's not as though I can give her the benefit of the doubt. I saw the Christmas episode (Christmas episode=rubbish, no exceptions) and it was made less than tolerable by Tate gurning her way through the whole sorry affair. Her character was annoying and ruined the Doctor Who dynamic.

And then you have all the reporting by numbers that goes on. "Is the Doctor bovvered?" reads the headline. Brilliant. It's funny because that's her catchphrase because it's the thing she says every single time she's on the damn television and it's funny because it's recognisable. "The nation has really caught on to this whole "Am I bovvered?" catchphrase, so let's reference it in our headline! It's really funny and what's more, it's really quite clever!" Utter idiots. Not only do they ruin the whole series for me by telling me who the new assistant is going to be, they remind me of that damn catchphrase.

Tate should not be allowed on television again. She should be told in no uncertain terms that if she can't come up with a new joke, she can get a proper job.

The news completely ruined my day and I blame everyone for it.

What I watched on television last night was the following:

• The Thick of It - It was very very funny. The Thick of It (and Curb Your Enthusiasm) are proof that swearing is the funniest thing ever.

I'm using Davie's broadband connection for this post by the way. He and Mrs Davie have invited me round for a bit of tea. They've been so very good to me in this my week of shame.