Home = yes, television = no

Yes, after four long weeks of moving from place to place, ruining the privacy of two of Newcastle's top celebrity couples and nearly destroying twelve-year friendships on the way, I finally moved in to my new home on Tuesday. I know it's not related to television reviews (sorry GP) but I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Mr and Mrs Davie and GP and Haysto for cooking and cleaning for me, and for comforting me at three in the morning when I woke up with night terrors almost every night. I'd also like to thank the solicitors who dealt with my case for really speeding things along. Yes, it only took four weeks. Well done. It's a difficult job getting a few forms signed and arranging a date for completion, and you did it with the minimum of fuss (I only had to call you to chase things up literally four times a day every day for four weeks) and it only caused me four long weeks of stress, uncertainty and misery.

Anyway, much as I love my new house, you'd have thought that in this day and age they come with tv aerials as standard. It's not as though televisions are a new invention. So, I got my tv up and running only to find that I had no signal. It's extremely frustrating. I'm getting an aerial fitted in the loft this weekend (I have a loft - I'm a proper man!), but in the meantime I've got to make do with a portable aerial which can only pick up BBCs One, Two, Three and News 24 on Freeview. It makes my reviewing task a little tricky, especially when there's nothing on these days.

So instead of watching live tv, I've been able to catch up with my viewing of The Wire on DVD. I'm halfway through the first series and, as far as I can tell, nothing much has happened yet. I assume it's building up to something, but to be honest, I wouldn't care if it didn't.

Even though nothing much is happening, it's still really really good (See how my television reviews are witty and inciteful - "really, really good" is like vintage Clive James). There is a story which slowly progresses which is compelling and completely believable. And it's not like your Houses and CSIs which can be dipped in and out even if you've missed an episode (or series). (That, by the way, is a good thing. Ever since Babylon Five,I like a bit of a story arc in my drama.) If you miss an episode, even though nothing much happens, you may as well forget it.

Sorry, I just mentioned Babylon Five. It won't happen again.

What I watched in my new home on my old tv last night:

• Heroes - WHY DO THE BBC THINK THAT IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO SHOW THE SURPRISE EXCITING END MOMENT OF AN EPISODE AS A TRAILER TO THAT EPISODE?? The moment in the train where future Hiro comes to give present Peter a message is a magnificent bit of fantasy drama which sets the scene for the rest of the series. It should be a stand out moment full of surprise and shock which leaves you reeling and begging for the next episode. Instead it's shown as an out of context two second clip over and over again on the trails for the programme which completely ruins any suspense when it's shown in the programme itself.
• When I watched Hereos on SciFi a few months ago, whenever it came up with the "Next time on Heroes" trailer at the end of the programme, I would mute the television and cover my eyes so I couldn't see what was happening (seriously, I honestly did this). That way, the fathead television people who have no sense of suspense or drama couldn't spoil it for me. As a result, the Hiro from the future scene was a wonderful moment for me, as exciting as the Babylon Five episode where the guy in the spacesuit in Babylon Four is revealed to be future Jeffrey Sinclair. For everyone else, it's as dramatic as an EastEnders episode involving the kidnap of Wellard.

Normal service will be resumed soon. I get Sky Plus on Monday, and home internet connection will soon follow! Count down the days with me readers!