The Restaurant

Apologies to our many readers for lack of updates from me. My anti-virus software is preventing me from accessing any websites that require a password so I've been unable to blog. Perhaps it has an inbuilt quality filter which realises the rubbish I write shouldn't be published.

This week I have been watching the Restaurant. It's like the Apprentice only with a Restaurant at the end of it, not a job. It's also like the Apprentice in the way that half the contestants are utter numbskulls who shouldn't be allowed near a toaster. My favourite couple so far has been actress Jacqui and jazz drummer Sam.

Neither have any cooking talent. Jacqui spends all her time at front of house apologising to customers for the dreadful food served up like a nightmarish ex-Mickey Mouse Club member, and when Sam's not in the kitchen ruining everything by just being there, he's sitting at his drumkit looking all sad. The highlight of last week's shows was when Sam (who is so gutless he makes me look like Vin Diesel) told the assistant chef that he was sacked - despite him being the only one in the whole restaurant who had any talent. For embarrassment, it wasn't quite at the level of Mani's presentation from Apprentice series two, but it was close.

Compare the Restaurant with the usual reality dross from ITV, Hell's Kitchen. It might actually be quite good, but every two minutes it's interrupted by Angus Deayton's painfully unfunny comments (he's credited as writer - I think he's just going through the motions) so I stopped watching it after half an hour. And blimey, that Kelly Le Brock's not ageing well!

What else I've been watching this week:

• Kitchen Criminils - by the end of it, the recap at the beginning of each episode explaining each contestant's "journey" went on for so long there was no time for any competition. Vincent's prattling didn't stop. Thankfully, it's finished. I should have stopped watching weeks ago, but I hate to stop watching something once I've started.
• The Sopranos - now that the Shield has finished (now officially my second favourite programme ever (after Battlestar Galactica, of course)) the Sopranos is back to take its place. I'm often compared with Tony Soprano, so the programme is a bit like my life, except Tony's married and I'm not. Will I ever find future Mrs Mickey??

I'll see if I can sort my PC connection next week, might be something to do with cookies or something, but if it fails then I'll be silent until I get a new PC. Davie, hold the fort while I sort things out.