One day to go

The Apprentice is by far the greatest reality television show on television. It's so excrutiating seeing these cocksure ambitious types completely mess up a presentation to a proper business executive. It makes me feel much better about myself.

It reminds me of when I was training to be an accountant. They'd send you off on a residential management training course where you'd have to do Apprentice type tasks (obviously on a much smaller scale). Inevitably at some point on these courses I'd have to give a presentation to someone pretending to be a proper business executive, and no matter how awful I was, I was like Richard Branson compared to these jokers.

So here are the guesses for this year's Apprentice and it's all ladies. No one has picked a blokey.

Bentonbag = pink arrow

Friend of Mickey and Davie's TV Rant, GP = red arrow

Davie = blue arrow

Mickey = green arrow.

Any more guesses (and to be honest no-one else reads this rubbish so there won't be any more) will have to be received before 9pm tomorrow.

It has to be the ginger one

Thanks for the comedy tips Mickey. I had forgotten about Series 1 of Curb your Enthusiasm. It is because Mrs Davie has put it in a different drawer to my other DVD's. Out of sight out of mind I am afraid. I will rectify the situation tonight.

As for the Apprentice, I have to say that I am really looking forward to it. If previous series are anything to go by, the series at the very least gives me more confidence that anyone can succeed at work with just a modicum of intelligence. And without wishing to blow my own trumpet, I have more than a little. But it is cracking entertainment and the challenges are generally well designed and interesting. Having perused the photo I agree that it will be a woman who wins this year. But Mickey, my old comrade, I think you are wrong with your choice. It will of course be the ginger one next to your pick who will be crowned Sir Alan's apprentice this year. And that my friend is a fact.

Sitcoms for Davie

Okay then. So sitcom suggestions for Davie:

Peep Show - I missed the first couple of series as I found the situation where the sensitive one was getting bullied by school children a bit too close to my own life to be funny, but having given it a second chance, I realise that this is the funniest British sitcom in years.

The IT Crowd - Even if it hadn't been funny I would have forced myself to laugh at this and pretend to enjoy it, as it's written by one of the blokeys who wrote Father Ted. But it turns out that it's funny enough to not need my charity.

Curb Your Enthusiasm - Davie actually has series one on DVD. I can't believe he's blatantly complaining about having no comedy to watch when the disks are sitting unwatched in his DVD cabinet. Davie - your wife bought you those! Show a little gratitude and watch it!

The Office (American version) - I don't know whether it's really uncool to like this, but I do. Obviously it's not the Ricky Gervais one, but it has its moments. Currently being shown early on a Sunday morning on ITV2. Not really sure about ITV's programming strategy here.

Entourage - Not sure whether this is a sitcom or not. I don't laugh at it that much, but it's very entertaining, and it's done by HBO, so it's probably cool or something. Currently being shown early on a Sunday morning on ITV2. Not really sure about ITV's programming strategy here.

My Family - Oh Robert Lindsay, you've done it again! First Citizen Smith, then that thing about a boxer with the dreadful theme tune, and now My Family. Bravo Mr Lindsay, bravo!

With the Apprentice returning on Wednesday, it's only right to reintroduce the Mickey and Davie's TV Rant Guess Who Will Win The Apprentice Based Purely On The Publicity Photo competition. There are no prizes, so don't phone in, but everyone is welcome to have a go.

So I think this year it's time for a lady to win, and this one looks extremely competent. Oh yes.




The one under the green arrow. She's my tip.

Davie, care to take a guess?

Lazy Channel 4

I read Mickey's assassination of Kevin Mcleod with interest. I like Kev - I like the fact that he owns 365 coats and wears them in rotation. I also like the fact that he tries to dramatise what is essentially a fairly calm and staid programme. I like Grand Designs as a programme as I find it interesting what people will put themselves through to build a house. However, much as I like it, I am not a fan of Channel's 4 decision to string out the series like it is currently doing. Grand Designs revisited is a terrible concept. It is cheap and Channel 4 know it. To simply rehash the programme and add a couple of minutes where Kevin walks up the drive and has a quick chat with the owners of the house as to how they have enjoyed living in it is not my idea of cutting edge TV. The fact that it is preceded by Location Location revisited where Phil is now visiting people he and Kirsty helped means that Wednesday night is 2 hours of prime time repeats. Come on Channel 4 you can do better than this.



On the plus side of life I am still looking for suggestions on sit-coms I should be watching and I am delighted that Kirsty Gallagher and Ian Wright have been picked as the new hosts for Gladiators. I am currently trying to persuade Mickey to pump some iron and then he can enter what is bound to be the hit series of the summer.