You see, what happened was, it was like October, right? And I was all ready to write something about the Saturday night More 4 drama John Adams. So I turned on my television to watch an episode so that it could inspire words to come out of my brain and onto the screen, when I accidentally caught a glimpse of Hole In The Wall.
The shock put me in a coma for the past four weeks.
Not really! I've just been really lazy and I've been on holiday! Yes. And here is what I did on my holiday:
I went to South Africa. I saw some animals. I had a turbulent flight where I thought I would die, but I didn't. I met a couple of girls in Cape Town who took me to a late bar, but I was getting tired, so I made my excuses and left.
And that is what I did on my holiday.
Can I just take this opportunity to apologise to anyone and everyone who has read this blog and may read about this blog in the future, in respect of my earlier comment about being in a coma. It was in very poor taste, it was not at all funny, and I did not mean to offend anyone who may themselves be in a coma or may know someone or know of someone who is in a coma.
For this reason, I have decided to resign immediately from Mickey and Davie's TV Rant. Everyone has my sincere and very sincere apologies. I would like to ask you all now one last favour. Please leave Davie alone. It wasn't his fault that I wrote those things. Yes, he may have been sitting in the background goading me, but I'm the one what wrote them words.
Please stop this constant media hounding of a basically good man, misguided yes, a little stupid maybe, but a decent man nonetheless who only ever wanted to make people happy, to make the world smile. A fundamentally caring man can no longer step outside of his house to take his dog for a walk without being hounded by at least three photographers clammering for a shot of his shattered tearstained eyes, his face betraying the guilt of a man who knows he made a stupid mistake.
Instead, these people should go round Jeremy Clarkson's house, because those things he said about truck drivers were unforgiveable. Traitor!! Terrorist!!! Kill him!! etc.
I am really enjoying John Adams though.
Thursday 6 November 2008
Wednesday 15 October 2008
Wednesday nights
Ah I love Wednesday. Half of the week is over and of course at 8 pm there is tv gold in the form of the restaurant. I know, I know, it clashes with the Bill but record the Bill and watch it the way God intended , on a Sunday morning with a nice cup of coffee. Quite where they found this years candidates for the Restaurant, I have no idea. Did Raymond Blanc stand in the middle of a town with a billboard "dumbasess please come here and sign up for my new series"? There are now only 4 couples left - 2 who can win - the lad who wears purple and his "effervescent" mrs, and the couple that basically serve up home made food, serve it with a smile and then charge you restaurant prices. I like both couples and surely Raymond is only ever going to invest his money with one of these couples. Being the best couples means they are not as entertaining though. The entertainment now comes from James and Alistair. James is about 25 and can cook. However he is being portrayed as possibly the biggest bully since Adolf Hitler and his treatment of simpering Alistair has to be seen to be believed. They are describe as childhood friends. I can only assume that means James bullied Alastair at primary school and has decided to dedicate his life to perfecting that art. Alastair for his part is madly in love with James and clearly values any form of attention even if it is a sharp kick in the bollocks. In last weeks episode, Alastair had a mini-breakdown and conceivably was thinking of suicide as the dinner party they were catering for threatened to turn into a huge disaster. As he curled up in the corner sobbing his heart out, good old James was trying to perfect his Ali G routine by clicking his fingers and shouting "booyakasha" whilst at the same time dressing a tomato salad with a nice balsamic dressing. Tv gold my friends. Watch it.
Mickey is on holiday by the way. I might write some more tomorrow if I can be bothered.
Mickey is on holiday by the way. I might write some more tomorrow if I can be bothered.
Monday 15 September 2008
Not really worth the wait
I turned on my television last night to see that my prayers had finally been answered. Suddenly here was a television show to do my 46" screen justice.
Move aside High Definition Dexter. Farewell The Restaurant. Sling your hook UKtv Drama repeats of Tom Baker era Doctor Who. There's a new show in town, and it is about to rock our world.
Ever since I gave up on the idea of 3-D television I've been a huge fan of old school variety. You know, a bit of a song here, a bit of a dance there, maybe a musical number, mixed up with some family friendly stand up, with a pretty lady showing a bit of leg singing a song for the Dads.
I've also been a big fan of Vernon Kay. The tall man from Bolton has long been a guarantee of quality early evening entertainment, Just The Two Of Us, Hit Me Baby One More Time, All Star Family Fortunes, that one where you've got to beat the celebrity. And his overplayed accent is priceless, reminiscent of Cilla on Blind Date.
But of course my favourite thing in the whole world is the outrageous Joan Rivers. Ever since she was introduced to me in her outrageous chat show Can We Talk? I've been fan of her outrageous comedy and the way she says outrageous things. Honestly, some of the things she says are outrageous!
Put them all together and you should have television gold. He's tall and a bit cheeky, she's outrageous and the things she says are outrageous, the sexual chemistry should be electric. Welcome to For One Night Only.
And yet, and yet. Somehow it didn't work. It all seemed a little contrived. When I found out that "The Jersey Boys" were going to be on, singing a special set of tunes especially for the television show, I could have cried with anticipation. But when they came on, it was all I could do to stop vomiting.
Was it too much of a good thing? It sort of reminded me of way back in 1993, when my three favourite things were Doctor Who, EastEnders and of course 3-D television. The special Doctor Who episode, Dimensions in Time, which had the Doctor, joining the cast of EastEnders, all filmed in 3-D seemed like the best television programme ever. It looked so good on paper. How could it fail? And yet, and yet.
Move aside High Definition Dexter. Farewell The Restaurant. Sling your hook UKtv Drama repeats of Tom Baker era Doctor Who. There's a new show in town, and it is about to rock our world.
Ever since I gave up on the idea of 3-D television I've been a huge fan of old school variety. You know, a bit of a song here, a bit of a dance there, maybe a musical number, mixed up with some family friendly stand up, with a pretty lady showing a bit of leg singing a song for the Dads.
I've also been a big fan of Vernon Kay. The tall man from Bolton has long been a guarantee of quality early evening entertainment, Just The Two Of Us, Hit Me Baby One More Time, All Star Family Fortunes, that one where you've got to beat the celebrity. And his overplayed accent is priceless, reminiscent of Cilla on Blind Date.
But of course my favourite thing in the whole world is the outrageous Joan Rivers. Ever since she was introduced to me in her outrageous chat show Can We Talk? I've been fan of her outrageous comedy and the way she says outrageous things. Honestly, some of the things she says are outrageous!
Put them all together and you should have television gold. He's tall and a bit cheeky, she's outrageous and the things she says are outrageous, the sexual chemistry should be electric. Welcome to For One Night Only.
And yet, and yet. Somehow it didn't work. It all seemed a little contrived. When I found out that "The Jersey Boys" were going to be on, singing a special set of tunes especially for the television show, I could have cried with anticipation. But when they came on, it was all I could do to stop vomiting.
Was it too much of a good thing? It sort of reminded me of way back in 1993, when my three favourite things were Doctor Who, EastEnders and of course 3-D television. The special Doctor Who episode, Dimensions in Time, which had the Doctor, joining the cast of EastEnders, all filmed in 3-D seemed like the best television programme ever. It looked so good on paper. How could it fail? And yet, and yet.
Thursday 4 September 2008
Never mind July - what about August
Many apologies to what is left of our dwindling fan base for the lack of material to brighten your lives in the past few months. I too disgust myself. I have been so busy enjoying the great British summer to watch any TV. It has been one long string of beach parties, bbq's and surfboarding. Oh and I changed internet provider and it took a while to work. Good old sky.
Anyway -what has Davie been watching I hear you muse. Well of course my dear friends I have been watching the same old trite that I normally watch, Eastenders(ok), the Bill (brilliant as usual) and my old favourite Dragons Den is back. DD appears to have become a split camp between with Pete and his old mucker Theo on one side and dozy Dunc and the recruitment bloke on the other. All 4 are scared of Deborah so she does not need to take sides. If their is an investable proposition then Pete and Theo will outbid and outcharm Dunc and let's call the other bloke Jimmy. Time after time Dunc and Jimmy look really sad after being gazumped by Pete and Theo. Of course P&T do not always invest - when they do declare themselves out, it is great to see the look of delight on Duncs face. He will then make an offer which is often accepted but then he looks along the line to see P&T doubled up with laughter after seen him throw another £100k into a pointless venture. It is like watching a kitten drown - cruel but strangely you find yourself unable to turn away.
That's all for now - let's hope Mickey gets off his lazy backside and blogs soon
Anyway -what has Davie been watching I hear you muse. Well of course my dear friends I have been watching the same old trite that I normally watch, Eastenders(ok), the Bill (brilliant as usual) and my old favourite Dragons Den is back. DD appears to have become a split camp between with Pete and his old mucker Theo on one side and dozy Dunc and the recruitment bloke on the other. All 4 are scared of Deborah so she does not need to take sides. If their is an investable proposition then Pete and Theo will outbid and outcharm Dunc and let's call the other bloke Jimmy. Time after time Dunc and Jimmy look really sad after being gazumped by Pete and Theo. Of course P&T do not always invest - when they do declare themselves out, it is great to see the look of delight on Duncs face. He will then make an offer which is often accepted but then he looks along the line to see P&T doubled up with laughter after seen him throw another £100k into a pointless venture. It is like watching a kitten drown - cruel but strangely you find yourself unable to turn away.
That's all for now - let's hope Mickey gets off his lazy backside and blogs soon
Wednesday 6 August 2008
What happened to July?
Good grief. I didn't post in July. I disgust myself sometimes. What a nasty lazy layabout I am. I could vomit with shame.
Excuses? I wasn't on holiday. I haven't stopped watching television. My computer still works. I have no excuse other than my own pitiful crapness.
Anyway, enough about me. What about my new telly?
Yes. I've got a new telly. My old one broke. Three years into its life it decided to go all snowy, and I couldn't watch anything. So I've bought a new one. It's bigger and has that high definition thing and has a five year guarantee in case it decides to break in three years time.
And what have I been watching on my lovely new television?
Nothing really. Television has never been so bad.
When Dragons' Den is the highlight of the week, you know you're in trouble. First couple of series were great. All business and I'm not going to invest and it's a Den first and just so you know I'm out and remember if the hopefuls must receive an offer for all of the investment they ask for or they won't get anything and just so you know I'm out. Great stuff.
But it bores me now. It's all the same. Four main pitches, the first or second will receive an offer which may or may not be accepted. The third doesn't. The fourth does, often in a dramatic turn of events. You know it's a dramatic turn of events because Evan tells us. "In a dramatic turn of events..." he says. He'll follow it up by "It's a Den first."
One thing that has changed this series is that Peter Jones is no longer described as "One of Britain's best known entrepreneurs". What's that all about? Has he become less well known over the past twelve months? Or maybe he realised that it made him sound like a bit of a precious tool.
Dragons Den of course is not the best programme on television at the moment. That falls to Dexter on FX. I never got to see the first series until it was repeated on ITV a couple of months ago. Excellent stuff. It appears that FX is the only channel to actually show good drama at this time of year. It's also got the Wire. I'm not watching that though as I'm watching it on DVD and I'm only onto series 3.
I did try watching a couple of episodes of The Unit. It looks great on paper. David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross), Shawn Ryan (The Shield) as Executive Producers and sometimes writers, Dennis Haysbert (off of 24) as the main blokey, good supporting cast including that blokey from Terminator 2 and the later series of the X Files.
It was rubbish! How can the bloke who created the Shield have anything to do with this tripe? It's all husbands and wives arguing, and wives arguing with each other and husbands going off somewhere to shoot people and it ends with what can only be described as an unashamedly anti-French musical number which made me cringe more than the Apprentice.
Maybe I watched a bad episode, but come on! You wouldn't find Starbuck and Boomer singing anti-French songs on Battlestar Galactica.
Excuses? I wasn't on holiday. I haven't stopped watching television. My computer still works. I have no excuse other than my own pitiful crapness.
Anyway, enough about me. What about my new telly?
Yes. I've got a new telly. My old one broke. Three years into its life it decided to go all snowy, and I couldn't watch anything. So I've bought a new one. It's bigger and has that high definition thing and has a five year guarantee in case it decides to break in three years time.
And what have I been watching on my lovely new television?
Nothing really. Television has never been so bad.
When Dragons' Den is the highlight of the week, you know you're in trouble. First couple of series were great. All business and I'm not going to invest and it's a Den first and just so you know I'm out and remember if the hopefuls must receive an offer for all of the investment they ask for or they won't get anything and just so you know I'm out. Great stuff.
But it bores me now. It's all the same. Four main pitches, the first or second will receive an offer which may or may not be accepted. The third doesn't. The fourth does, often in a dramatic turn of events. You know it's a dramatic turn of events because Evan tells us. "In a dramatic turn of events..." he says. He'll follow it up by "It's a Den first."
One thing that has changed this series is that Peter Jones is no longer described as "One of Britain's best known entrepreneurs". What's that all about? Has he become less well known over the past twelve months? Or maybe he realised that it made him sound like a bit of a precious tool.
Dragons Den of course is not the best programme on television at the moment. That falls to Dexter on FX. I never got to see the first series until it was repeated on ITV a couple of months ago. Excellent stuff. It appears that FX is the only channel to actually show good drama at this time of year. It's also got the Wire. I'm not watching that though as I'm watching it on DVD and I'm only onto series 3.
I did try watching a couple of episodes of The Unit. It looks great on paper. David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross), Shawn Ryan (The Shield) as Executive Producers and sometimes writers, Dennis Haysbert (off of 24) as the main blokey, good supporting cast including that blokey from Terminator 2 and the later series of the X Files.
It was rubbish! How can the bloke who created the Shield have anything to do with this tripe? It's all husbands and wives arguing, and wives arguing with each other and husbands going off somewhere to shoot people and it ends with what can only be described as an unashamedly anti-French musical number which made me cringe more than the Apprentice.
Maybe I watched a bad episode, but come on! You wouldn't find Starbuck and Boomer singing anti-French songs on Battlestar Galactica.
Wednesday 9 July 2008
F word on Channel 4
F word on Channel 4
Watched it
Nothing else on TV
Not since..
Heroes
Finished
Watch it again ?
No chance.
Conversing like this
My new style
Watched it
Nothing else on TV
Not since..
Heroes
Finished
Watch it again ?
No chance.
Conversing like this
My new style
Monday 30 June 2008
How Dare They
I would have posted long long before now, but for the fact that there is nothing on television.
Just a few weeks ago my Sky plus box was close to full capacity. There was BSG, Lost, Mad Men, Apprentice, Doctor Who, Heroes, Reaper (which I quite enjoyed), Pushing Daisies (which I didn't enjoy but felt as though I had to stick it out to the end), Peep Show etc. I had lots to watch. Life was good.
Now there's only Who and Heroes, and they're both finishing next week. My Sky plus box is empty. This is why Big Brother is popular. It's the only thing on television.
But my main reason for writing today is not to complain about the lack of television. It is to inform our many many fans of one of the most extraordinary shows I have ever seen.
I am talking of course about Who Dares Sings, on ITV on Saturday night.
I turned over by accident last Saturday during takeaway night at Mickey's, and was accosted by Ben Shephard and Denise van Outen asking the audience to all sing We Are Family. The audience were ecstatic, punching the air, grabbing their microphones and clapping like the hundred goons that they are.
Then the song started, and they all stood up, all swinging their shoulders and arms in time to the music (I believe this is called dancing) holding the microphones like they're proper singers, and belting the words out like they've been shot full of some hallucinogenic drug that makes them think they're Meat Loaf.
Denise is going round the audience with her own microphone, grabbing on to people and singing with them as though this is the way that humanity acts all the time. Gawping at the camera and emphasising the words to show that these particular audience members that she has just met are in fact all of her sisters that she has got with her.
No one in the audience seemed to have any self awareness. There was no one on the sidelines looking a little bit sheepish, a little bit shy. Everyone was giving it absolutely everything they had. None of the participants seemed to have any concept of embarrassment, shame or regret.
God. It was excrutiating. I've never been so ashamed, embarrassed, shocked, disturbed. I'm not ITV's biggest fan, but my life! This was an abomination!
I'll definitely watch it again.
Just a few weeks ago my Sky plus box was close to full capacity. There was BSG, Lost, Mad Men, Apprentice, Doctor Who, Heroes, Reaper (which I quite enjoyed), Pushing Daisies (which I didn't enjoy but felt as though I had to stick it out to the end), Peep Show etc. I had lots to watch. Life was good.
Now there's only Who and Heroes, and they're both finishing next week. My Sky plus box is empty. This is why Big Brother is popular. It's the only thing on television.
But my main reason for writing today is not to complain about the lack of television. It is to inform our many many fans of one of the most extraordinary shows I have ever seen.
I am talking of course about Who Dares Sings, on ITV on Saturday night.
I turned over by accident last Saturday during takeaway night at Mickey's, and was accosted by Ben Shephard and Denise van Outen asking the audience to all sing We Are Family. The audience were ecstatic, punching the air, grabbing their microphones and clapping like the hundred goons that they are.
Then the song started, and they all stood up, all swinging their shoulders and arms in time to the music (I believe this is called dancing) holding the microphones like they're proper singers, and belting the words out like they've been shot full of some hallucinogenic drug that makes them think they're Meat Loaf.
Denise is going round the audience with her own microphone, grabbing on to people and singing with them as though this is the way that humanity acts all the time. Gawping at the camera and emphasising the words to show that these particular audience members that she has just met are in fact all of her sisters that she has got with her.
Ben's at the front looking a little awkward seeing a hundred wild eyed audience members bellowing out Sister Sledge at him, but even he's still giving it plenty of beans.
No one in the audience seemed to have any self awareness. There was no one on the sidelines looking a little bit sheepish, a little bit shy. Everyone was giving it absolutely everything they had. None of the participants seemed to have any concept of embarrassment, shame or regret.
God. It was excrutiating. I've never been so ashamed, embarrassed, shocked, disturbed. I'm not ITV's biggest fan, but my life! This was an abomination!
I'll definitely watch it again.
Saturday 14 June 2008
S4
Regular readers of Britains favourite TV review blog will know that Mickey and Davie always try and please their loyal fans. Our motto was always deliver the goods and keep going until they are satisfied. So to tip our hat towards our cousins in Wales and following on from a request from M&DTVR fave "wickie" I spent 30 minutes watching Come Dine with me on S4c this afternoon. You will be pleased to know that it is as crap in Welsh as it is in English. I have grown weary of Come Dine with me. I used to think it was entertainment. Then I stopped and had a good hard look at myself. Why am I watching other people cook and have dinner ?? I do that myself every night. I know how to cook. How to eat. How to converse. So what can I possibly learn from this dross ? As from today, Saturday 12 th June 2008, there will be no more Come Dine with me. It is time to clean my TV cupboards and throw out those programmes that I think maybe one day I will watch. This is ruthless Davie signing off and deciding what to do with 7 hours of "Dirt" on sky plus.
Tuesday 10 June 2008
Large male sibling
So, first things first. Apprentice final this week.
Last week, Lucinda left. Boo. Bad luck Benton Bag Lady. If Lucinda had won you'd have won the special prize which was going to be a £2.50 book token or something.
Alex Wotherspoon and his sly sneaky, grassy, "Ooh ooh Sir Alan, Sir! Lucinda said she didn't want your job! Fire her, Sir Alan, Sir!" What an utter tool. He'll probably win, the smug, self-admiring, own-cheek-sucking, death-threat-receiving knob.
Then there's Lee McQueen with his unforgivable spelling and unforgivable lies. In my profession, (yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a professional), lies in the CV mean the end of the road. Much as I like Lee and want him to win, I'd have fired him there and then.
Then there's Helene who seems to have kept her place simply because she didn't get the sack from her old job.
And finally Clare who I used to hate, but now just dislike.
So, yes. Lee to win, then Clare, then Helene, then the knob. If the knob wins, I won't run naked round the streets of Newcastle, but I might step into my back garden in my underpants.
And so onto Big Brother. Once Davie's and my favourite reality television programme. Now an annual parade of utter cack.
I think it was during the opening night of Big Brother 7 that I discovered what an utter tool I'd been for watching so many past series. It was when a rat faced ponce with a large ego, named "Sezer" strutted down the stairs into the house, and before going through the inner door, looked directly into the camera and said something about the house going to be "Sezer's Palace". Do you see? Like Caesar's Palace! I think he may also have said "Recognise" but I may be wrong. Even if I live to the time humanity attains immortality I will never see anything more obnoxious on television or in real life. It made those stage show kids from Emu's Pink Windmill Show look like Alan Bennett.
This vicious ratfaced man had come close to ruining television forever. I didn't see the rest of that series. I stopped watching television for six months in protest. "Sezer's Palace recognise"? Sometimes I find myself at home feeling sort of okay but knowing that there's something wrong, something bothering me, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Then after I've thought about it, I remember. Sezer's Palace. Recognise.
My favourites in this series are Kathreya, the hilariously over the top Thai massage therapist who loves her cookies! Dennis, the fabulously over the top Edinburgh dance student teacher who loves his things! And Rebecca, the wonderfully over the top Coventry nursery nurse who loves her Hanson! Great personalities. Great people. Great television!
More please Channel 4! How about for Big Brother 10 a champion of champions. I for one would be fascinated to see Cameron and Craig in a house together! Which one will Kate Lawler fall for!??
Sorry everyone. I'll stop now.
Last week, Lucinda left. Boo. Bad luck Benton Bag Lady. If Lucinda had won you'd have won the special prize which was going to be a £2.50 book token or something.
Alex Wotherspoon and his sly sneaky, grassy, "Ooh ooh Sir Alan, Sir! Lucinda said she didn't want your job! Fire her, Sir Alan, Sir!" What an utter tool. He'll probably win, the smug, self-admiring, own-cheek-sucking, death-threat-receiving knob.
Then there's Lee McQueen with his unforgivable spelling and unforgivable lies. In my profession, (yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a professional), lies in the CV mean the end of the road. Much as I like Lee and want him to win, I'd have fired him there and then.
Then there's Helene who seems to have kept her place simply because she didn't get the sack from her old job.
And finally Clare who I used to hate, but now just dislike.
So, yes. Lee to win, then Clare, then Helene, then the knob. If the knob wins, I won't run naked round the streets of Newcastle, but I might step into my back garden in my underpants.
And so onto Big Brother. Once Davie's and my favourite reality television programme. Now an annual parade of utter cack.
I think it was during the opening night of Big Brother 7 that I discovered what an utter tool I'd been for watching so many past series. It was when a rat faced ponce with a large ego, named "Sezer" strutted down the stairs into the house, and before going through the inner door, looked directly into the camera and said something about the house going to be "Sezer's Palace". Do you see? Like Caesar's Palace! I think he may also have said "Recognise" but I may be wrong. Even if I live to the time humanity attains immortality I will never see anything more obnoxious on television or in real life. It made those stage show kids from Emu's Pink Windmill Show look like Alan Bennett.
This vicious ratfaced man had come close to ruining television forever. I didn't see the rest of that series. I stopped watching television for six months in protest. "Sezer's Palace recognise"? Sometimes I find myself at home feeling sort of okay but knowing that there's something wrong, something bothering me, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Then after I've thought about it, I remember. Sezer's Palace. Recognise.
My favourites in this series are Kathreya, the hilariously over the top Thai massage therapist who loves her cookies! Dennis, the fabulously over the top Edinburgh dance student teacher who loves his things! And Rebecca, the wonderfully over the top Coventry nursery nurse who loves her Hanson! Great personalities. Great people. Great television!
More please Channel 4! How about for Big Brother 10 a champion of champions. I for one would be fascinated to see Cameron and Craig in a house together! Which one will Kate Lawler fall for!??
Sorry everyone. I'll stop now.
Monday 2 June 2008
Lost
Great pun in the previous title Michael. Well readers I have to tell you how much I have enjoyed Lost. It is a long time since I was on the edge of my seat and last nights finale got me as close as anything I can remember. Now I have to wait another 7 months before the next series - can we not get this made a bit quicker JJ Abrams and your cohorts??
And good old Michael is out of the Apprentice - I would have like to see him squirm under the interview panel's scrutiny but I enjoyed seeing his smug face turn when Sugar booted him out. I thought Helene was going but I think whilst she may be hopeless she actually wants the job and therefore I have a soft spot for her. But clearly Lee is going to win.
I have borrowed Series 3 of the Wire from Mickey. But dear friends that is not comedy. I need some comedy in my TV routine if I am to overcome this feeling of melancholy.
And good old Michael is out of the Apprentice - I would have like to see him squirm under the interview panel's scrutiny but I enjoyed seeing his smug face turn when Sugar booted him out. I thought Helene was going but I think whilst she may be hopeless she actually wants the job and therefore I have a soft spot for her. But clearly Lee is going to win.
I have borrowed Series 3 of the Wire from Mickey. But dear friends that is not comedy. I need some comedy in my TV routine if I am to overcome this feeling of melancholy.
Tuesday 20 May 2008
Sommers over
Yes, just like Davie says, apologies and all that. I know I've let you down, and I don't want to beg, but please, I'm begging you, please, just give me one more chance. Just one more chance! I promise you I won't let you down again.
And like the soft hearted puppy that is Sir Alan Sugar, you accept my doe eyed monotone shameless entreaties and read on, knowing in your heart of hearts that it's just going to be the same old rubbish about cookery programmes and Battlestar Galactica.
It was on for only eight episodes, it finished its UK run a couple of weeks ago and it starred that Zoe Slater lass off of EastEnders. I am of course referring to the Bionic Woman.
It was a reimagining of a seventies classic, a bit like that programme I like, what's it called again? Yes, Battlestar Galactica.
In many ways it was similar to BSG (as I like to call it). One of the producers was David Eick (whoever he is). Katie Sackhoff was a supporting cast member playing a slightly disturbed tough girl. Erm, the font used in some of the titles looked similar and plots revolved around things happening involving people.
So far, so good. They were ticking all the right boxes.
Unfortunately, they forgot about one thing when making the Bionic Woman. They forgot to make it good. Or to put it another way, they forgot to not make it crap.
You see, where Battlestar Galactica is written so that it is interesting and keeps your attention, Bionic Woman was written so that it was not interesting and doesn't keep your attention. It's an easy mistake to make.
And who's the real fool? The US writer who thought that weak, unimaginative storylines with no surprises would do in this day and age (I believe I should refer to phenomena such as the myspace generation and "Youtube" at this point)? Or me for sitting through eight episodes of poor television knowing that it had been cancelled for being not very good?
The answer of course is Apprentice cock Michael Sophocles for not knowing what kosher means despite being half-Jewish. If he doesn't get fired in the next two weeks I shall walk naked through the streets of Newcastle in protest.
And like the soft hearted puppy that is Sir Alan Sugar, you accept my doe eyed monotone shameless entreaties and read on, knowing in your heart of hearts that it's just going to be the same old rubbish about cookery programmes and Battlestar Galactica.
It was on for only eight episodes, it finished its UK run a couple of weeks ago and it starred that Zoe Slater lass off of EastEnders. I am of course referring to the Bionic Woman.
It was a reimagining of a seventies classic, a bit like that programme I like, what's it called again? Yes, Battlestar Galactica.
In many ways it was similar to BSG (as I like to call it). One of the producers was David Eick (whoever he is). Katie Sackhoff was a supporting cast member playing a slightly disturbed tough girl. Erm, the font used in some of the titles looked similar and plots revolved around things happening involving people.
So far, so good. They were ticking all the right boxes.
Unfortunately, they forgot about one thing when making the Bionic Woman. They forgot to make it good. Or to put it another way, they forgot to not make it crap.
You see, where Battlestar Galactica is written so that it is interesting and keeps your attention, Bionic Woman was written so that it was not interesting and doesn't keep your attention. It's an easy mistake to make.
And who's the real fool? The US writer who thought that weak, unimaginative storylines with no surprises would do in this day and age (I believe I should refer to phenomena such as the myspace generation and "Youtube" at this point)? Or me for sitting through eight episodes of poor television knowing that it had been cancelled for being not very good?
The answer of course is Apprentice cock Michael Sophocles for not knowing what kosher means despite being half-Jewish. If he doesn't get fired in the next two weeks I shall walk naked through the streets of Newcastle in protest.
Monday 19 May 2008
Here we go again
Many apologies dear readers blah blah blah. I know it appears that we have lost interest in you. Well for a brief moment we did but after a heart rendering late night chat over the washing up on Saturday night, Mickey and Davie are back. Well, Davie is. Mickey might be back tomorrow.
What is good - the Apprentice remains my favourite current programme. I am glad my pick, the ginger one has gone. Never have I not wanted to win as much. What a terrible human being she appears to be. I am loving Raef and warming to fat Clare. Lee McQueen strikes me as a bit dim but likable and I would like to see him do well. The small squat, Michael, I believe he is called must go next. To classify people who would not pay £600 for a fairy cake from a pushy middle-class first class a-hole like him as "dum-dums" was a step too far for me. And is 1977 0 who uses the phrase "dum-dum" anymore??. Right I have to go for my tea now - more ramblings on Wednesday my friends. Keep the faith.
What is good - the Apprentice remains my favourite current programme. I am glad my pick, the ginger one has gone. Never have I not wanted to win as much. What a terrible human being she appears to be. I am loving Raef and warming to fat Clare. Lee McQueen strikes me as a bit dim but likable and I would like to see him do well. The small squat, Michael, I believe he is called must go next. To classify people who would not pay £600 for a fairy cake from a pushy middle-class first class a-hole like him as "dum-dums" was a step too far for me. And is 1977 0 who uses the phrase "dum-dum" anymore??. Right I have to go for my tea now - more ramblings on Wednesday my friends. Keep the faith.
Thursday 24 April 2008
Bad Mickey
I haven't posted in weeks. It's very bad, and like Davie in his last post, I am apologising to you, our many dear readers. Here's a selection of ramblings to make you wish I'd not bothered.
There's a lot of good television at the moment. It's difficult to find fault!
Yes, there are the adverts for mobile phone networks which have got nothing to do with mobile phones, and seem to say that buying a mobile phone will allow you to live in a world of teddy bears, or that buying a mobile phone will make you part of a gang of utter tools who have nothing better to do than pretend to make a rainbow with some coloured material.
And there's the advert for Loyd Grossman food products which in summary says "Buy the Loyd Grossman food product because Loyd Grossman talks with an unusual accent which people imitate." Who cares that it might taste like burnt sick*, listen to the way he says things!! It's unusual!
* I've not tried it but I'm sure it doesn't
At least they're better than that godawful one with the gorilla playing the drums. Eeh, it's so good. Look at the gorilla playing the drums!! Looka! He's playing the drums!! Buy our choccy cos the monkey's on the drums!! What's that all about? And it's not as if he's playing anything cool. He's playing Phil Collins! Phil Collins the man who decided it would be a good idea to do a cover version of the Cyndi Lauper whine-a-thon "True Colo(u)rs" and that all he cared about was that there would have to be lots of children in the video. Not exactly Pete Doherty.
So, the Apprentice. There are some hateful people in it this year. Out of the initial sixteen, only four of them seem to have any sense of humanity about them. The rest are vicious back-stabbing hateful blame throwing buckpassing egotistical delusional cocks.
Of the final eleven, I only have respect for Lucinda, Raef and LeeMcQueen. The other eight are all trying to be a cross between Hopkins (the nasty one from last year - don't get me started on her, seriously) and Ruth "Ruth Badger off of the Apprentice" Badger.
Alex, obviously, is a weasely (sp?) Jason Orange wannabe who spends all the task working out what is going wrong and making sure that someone else can be blamed for it.
My pick (see one of the posts below, the only mistake I've made so far this year), Jennifer, has not a shred of humanity within her cold cold soul. All she knows is how utterly brilliant she is at selling. And she's completely humourless.
Whenever Jenny, Davie's pick, speaks up for someone nasty, or belittles someone nice, she does it with such passionate monotony she dirties my soul. Kittens die when she smiles.
But the worst is Claire. Plain speaking Claire. No nonsense Claire. Ruth Badger wannabe Claire. Me me me Claire. Last night she cried as she won her task through bad planning, complacency, panic and luck. But if you'd tasted those tears, readers, you would have died. Pure poison.
So there you have it, a summary of all that is great about British television. Come back in another four weeks for another bunch of stuff about how I don't watch Britain's Got Talent and my thoughts on the advert from a few months ago where Pierce Brosnan tells gentlemen everywhere that they are indeed worth it.
There's a lot of good television at the moment. It's difficult to find fault!
Yes, there are the adverts for mobile phone networks which have got nothing to do with mobile phones, and seem to say that buying a mobile phone will allow you to live in a world of teddy bears, or that buying a mobile phone will make you part of a gang of utter tools who have nothing better to do than pretend to make a rainbow with some coloured material.
And there's the advert for Loyd Grossman food products which in summary says "Buy the Loyd Grossman food product because Loyd Grossman talks with an unusual accent which people imitate." Who cares that it might taste like burnt sick*, listen to the way he says things!! It's unusual!
* I've not tried it but I'm sure it doesn't
At least they're better than that godawful one with the gorilla playing the drums. Eeh, it's so good. Look at the gorilla playing the drums!! Looka! He's playing the drums!! Buy our choccy cos the monkey's on the drums!! What's that all about? And it's not as if he's playing anything cool. He's playing Phil Collins! Phil Collins the man who decided it would be a good idea to do a cover version of the Cyndi Lauper whine-a-thon "True Colo(u)rs" and that all he cared about was that there would have to be lots of children in the video. Not exactly Pete Doherty.
So, the Apprentice. There are some hateful people in it this year. Out of the initial sixteen, only four of them seem to have any sense of humanity about them. The rest are vicious back-stabbing hateful blame throwing buckpassing egotistical delusional cocks.
Of the final eleven, I only have respect for Lucinda, Raef and LeeMcQueen. The other eight are all trying to be a cross between Hopkins (the nasty one from last year - don't get me started on her, seriously) and Ruth "Ruth Badger off of the Apprentice" Badger.
Alex, obviously, is a weasely (sp?) Jason Orange wannabe who spends all the task working out what is going wrong and making sure that someone else can be blamed for it.
My pick (see one of the posts below, the only mistake I've made so far this year), Jennifer, has not a shred of humanity within her cold cold soul. All she knows is how utterly brilliant she is at selling. And she's completely humourless.
Whenever Jenny, Davie's pick, speaks up for someone nasty, or belittles someone nice, she does it with such passionate monotony she dirties my soul. Kittens die when she smiles.
But the worst is Claire. Plain speaking Claire. No nonsense Claire. Ruth Badger wannabe Claire. Me me me Claire. Last night she cried as she won her task through bad planning, complacency, panic and luck. But if you'd tasted those tears, readers, you would have died. Pure poison.
So there you have it, a summary of all that is great about British television. Come back in another four weeks for another bunch of stuff about how I don't watch Britain's Got Talent and my thoughts on the advert from a few months ago where Pierce Brosnan tells gentlemen everywhere that they are indeed worth it.
Tuesday 15 April 2008
Bad Davie
Many apologies dear readers. It has been too long etc. Since you last enjoyed my sideways glance at life, I have become a huge fan of Mad Men. It is on BBC4 and I rarely watch BBC4. But Mad Men is top notch Sunday night entertainment. The funny thing is that not a lot happens in each episode apart from a lot of smoking, lead character Don straying with a female client and his attractive mrs cooking him some food and looking pretty hot. But it is strangely addictive and I still cannot work out why.
Of course I have also been enjoying the Apprentice. True, I am beginning to regret choosing the ginger one as my pre-series pick to win as it appears that she is the nearest thing to the devil since the posh one from last year. But it is fantastic TV and it would appear that the producers have gone out of their way to find some of the thicket people in the UK. They need to keep Kevin the bank manager (really ? Is he perhaps someone who once opened a bank account as opposed to someone who approves loans of millions of pounds) and Raith for as long as possible. I did think the tough looking one, Lee would win but he appears to have started referring to himself in the third person (and that is never a good sing - it was exactly this that lead to the downfall of Clark Datchler and Johnny hates Jazz) but now I think it may be the soldier, Simon.
Of course I have also been enjoying the Apprentice. True, I am beginning to regret choosing the ginger one as my pre-series pick to win as it appears that she is the nearest thing to the devil since the posh one from last year. But it is fantastic TV and it would appear that the producers have gone out of their way to find some of the thicket people in the UK. They need to keep Kevin the bank manager (really ? Is he perhaps someone who once opened a bank account as opposed to someone who approves loans of millions of pounds) and Raith for as long as possible. I did think the tough looking one, Lee would win but he appears to have started referring to himself in the third person (and that is never a good sing - it was exactly this that lead to the downfall of Clark Datchler and Johnny hates Jazz) but now I think it may be the soldier, Simon.
Tuesday 25 March 2008
One day to go
The Apprentice is by far the greatest reality television show on television. It's so excrutiating seeing these cocksure ambitious types completely mess up a presentation to a proper business executive. It makes me feel much better about myself.
It reminds me of when I was training to be an accountant. They'd send you off on a residential management training course where you'd have to do Apprentice type tasks (obviously on a much smaller scale). Inevitably at some point on these courses I'd have to give a presentation to someone pretending to be a proper business executive, and no matter how awful I was, I was like Richard Branson compared to these jokers.
So here are the guesses for this year's Apprentice and it's all ladies. No one has picked a blokey.
Bentonbag = pink arrow
Friend of Mickey and Davie's TV Rant, GP = red arrow
Davie = blue arrow
Mickey = green arrow.
Any more guesses (and to be honest no-one else reads this rubbish so there won't be any more) will have to be received before 9pm tomorrow.
Monday 24 March 2008
It has to be the ginger one
Thanks for the comedy tips Mickey. I had forgotten about Series 1 of Curb your Enthusiasm. It is because Mrs Davie has put it in a different drawer to my other DVD's. Out of sight out of mind I am afraid. I will rectify the situation tonight.
As for the Apprentice, I have to say that I am really looking forward to it. If previous series are anything to go by, the series at the very least gives me more confidence that anyone can succeed at work with just a modicum of intelligence. And without wishing to blow my own trumpet, I have more than a little. But it is cracking entertainment and the challenges are generally well designed and interesting. Having perused the photo I agree that it will be a woman who wins this year. But Mickey, my old comrade, I think you are wrong with your choice. It will of course be the ginger one next to your pick who will be crowned Sir Alan's apprentice this year. And that my friend is a fact.
As for the Apprentice, I have to say that I am really looking forward to it. If previous series are anything to go by, the series at the very least gives me more confidence that anyone can succeed at work with just a modicum of intelligence. And without wishing to blow my own trumpet, I have more than a little. But it is cracking entertainment and the challenges are generally well designed and interesting. Having perused the photo I agree that it will be a woman who wins this year. But Mickey, my old comrade, I think you are wrong with your choice. It will of course be the ginger one next to your pick who will be crowned Sir Alan's apprentice this year. And that my friend is a fact.
Saturday 22 March 2008
Sitcoms for Davie
Okay then. So sitcom suggestions for Davie:
Peep Show - I missed the first couple of series as I found the situation where the sensitive one was getting bullied by school children a bit too close to my own life to be funny, but having given it a second chance, I realise that this is the funniest British sitcom in years.
The IT Crowd - Even if it hadn't been funny I would have forced myself to laugh at this and pretend to enjoy it, as it's written by one of the blokeys who wrote Father Ted. But it turns out that it's funny enough to not need my charity.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - Davie actually has series one on DVD. I can't believe he's blatantly complaining about having no comedy to watch when the disks are sitting unwatched in his DVD cabinet. Davie - your wife bought you those! Show a little gratitude and watch it!
The Office (American version) - I don't know whether it's really uncool to like this, but I do. Obviously it's not the Ricky Gervais one, but it has its moments. Currently being shown early on a Sunday morning on ITV2. Not really sure about ITV's programming strategy here.
Entourage - Not sure whether this is a sitcom or not. I don't laugh at it that much, but it's very entertaining, and it's done by HBO, so it's probably cool or something. Currently being shown early on a Sunday morning on ITV2. Not really sure about ITV's programming strategy here.
My Family - Oh Robert Lindsay, you've done it again! First Citizen Smith, then that thing about a boxer with the dreadful theme tune, and now My Family. Bravo Mr Lindsay, bravo!
With the Apprentice returning on Wednesday, it's only right to reintroduce the Mickey and Davie's TV Rant Guess Who Will Win The Apprentice Based Purely On The Publicity Photo competition. There are no prizes, so don't phone in, but everyone is welcome to have a go.
So I think this year it's time for a lady to win, and this one looks extremely competent. Oh yes.
The one under the green arrow. She's my tip.
Davie, care to take a guess?
Peep Show - I missed the first couple of series as I found the situation where the sensitive one was getting bullied by school children a bit too close to my own life to be funny, but having given it a second chance, I realise that this is the funniest British sitcom in years.
The IT Crowd - Even if it hadn't been funny I would have forced myself to laugh at this and pretend to enjoy it, as it's written by one of the blokeys who wrote Father Ted. But it turns out that it's funny enough to not need my charity.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - Davie actually has series one on DVD. I can't believe he's blatantly complaining about having no comedy to watch when the disks are sitting unwatched in his DVD cabinet. Davie - your wife bought you those! Show a little gratitude and watch it!
The Office (American version) - I don't know whether it's really uncool to like this, but I do. Obviously it's not the Ricky Gervais one, but it has its moments. Currently being shown early on a Sunday morning on ITV2. Not really sure about ITV's programming strategy here.
Entourage - Not sure whether this is a sitcom or not. I don't laugh at it that much, but it's very entertaining, and it's done by HBO, so it's probably cool or something. Currently being shown early on a Sunday morning on ITV2. Not really sure about ITV's programming strategy here.
My Family - Oh Robert Lindsay, you've done it again! First Citizen Smith, then that thing about a boxer with the dreadful theme tune, and now My Family. Bravo Mr Lindsay, bravo!
With the Apprentice returning on Wednesday, it's only right to reintroduce the Mickey and Davie's TV Rant Guess Who Will Win The Apprentice Based Purely On The Publicity Photo competition. There are no prizes, so don't phone in, but everyone is welcome to have a go.
So I think this year it's time for a lady to win, and this one looks extremely competent. Oh yes.
The one under the green arrow. She's my tip.
Davie, care to take a guess?
Saturday 15 March 2008
Lazy Channel 4
I read Mickey's assassination of Kevin Mcleod with interest. I like Kev - I like the fact that he owns 365 coats and wears them in rotation. I also like the fact that he tries to dramatise what is essentially a fairly calm and staid programme. I like Grand Designs as a programme as I find it interesting what people will put themselves through to build a house. However, much as I like it, I am not a fan of Channel's 4 decision to string out the series like it is currently doing. Grand Designs revisited is a terrible concept. It is cheap and Channel 4 know it. To simply rehash the programme and add a couple of minutes where Kevin walks up the drive and has a quick chat with the owners of the house as to how they have enjoyed living in it is not my idea of cutting edge TV. The fact that it is preceded by Location Location revisited where Phil is now visiting people he and Kirsty helped means that Wednesday night is 2 hours of prime time repeats. Come on Channel 4 you can do better than this.
On the plus side of life I am still looking for suggestions on sit-coms I should be watching and I am delighted that Kirsty Gallagher and Ian Wright have been picked as the new hosts for Gladiators. I am currently trying to persuade Mickey to pump some iron and then he can enter what is bound to be the hit series of the summer.
On the plus side of life I am still looking for suggestions on sit-coms I should be watching and I am delighted that Kirsty Gallagher and Ian Wright have been picked as the new hosts for Gladiators. I am currently trying to persuade Mickey to pump some iron and then he can enter what is bound to be the hit series of the summer.
Monday 25 February 2008
Kevin McCloud
There's only so much Kevin McCloud you can take before he starts irritating you. In the past I've found his dramatic pauses and pompous asides quite endearing. I've enjoyed pretending to be Kevin, although I only own two coats.
But recently he has begun to annoy me. Every building he visits, he goes on about the vision of the architect, and the passion of the owner. He goes on about integrity, the sustainability of the materials, how faithful the property will be to its surroundings. And then.
And then, he pauses, thinks about what he's about to say, and says something like "Martin first undertook this project to give his family the dream home they always wanted. I'm worried that this so-called dream home, is turning into (slight pause) a nightmare." And then it goes onto a commercial break.
With his hard hat and his numerous coats, I'm beginning to think he's a one trick pony. We need to see more variety from you, Kevin, and there's only one way to do that. Strictly Come Dancing 2008. Get yourself partnering that Flavia lass.
But recently he has begun to annoy me. Every building he visits, he goes on about the vision of the architect, and the passion of the owner. He goes on about integrity, the sustainability of the materials, how faithful the property will be to its surroundings. And then.
And then, he pauses, thinks about what he's about to say, and says something like "Martin first undertook this project to give his family the dream home they always wanted. I'm worried that this so-called dream home, is turning into (slight pause) a nightmare." And then it goes onto a commercial break.
With his hard hat and his numerous coats, I'm beginning to think he's a one trick pony. We need to see more variety from you, Kevin, and there's only one way to do that. Strictly Come Dancing 2008. Get yourself partnering that Flavia lass.
Thursday 21 February 2008
Kev v Gordon
Wednesday night viewing is pretty good at the moment. Channel 4 is leading the way with Grand Designs followed by Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA. You could not get two more different hosts. We spoke last week about "Ramma" as I like to call him and his top-class swearing. Sometimes unnecessary. Always amusing. But before that we have good old Kevin Mcleod and Grand Designs. Kev must be one of the nicest men on TV. Where Gordon likes nothing better than a good f-word (brilliant I know), Kevin will not use one sentence said in a matter-of-fact manner when a verbose monologue with at least one dramatic pause can be used instead. And how many coats does he own ? Las night I counted 5. That is not a record by the way. I think my favourite one at the moment is his green Berghaus.
I decided last night I am watching too much drama and I need to watch more comedy. Mickey has suggested the IT crowd and maybe My Family. I am not so sure dear readers. So what should I watch ??
I decided last night I am watching too much drama and I need to watch more comedy. Mickey has suggested the IT crowd and maybe My Family. I am not so sure dear readers. So what should I watch ??
Thursday 14 February 2008
More great swearing
I agree with Davie that Gordon Ramsay's swearing is a marvellous thing. Much as I love it when he swears at the idiots he's trying to help, I like it best when he's on his own at the end, having sorted it all out, there are no problems left to solve, he's walking off into the sunset, and, for no reason at all, he just swears under his breath. There's really no need, but it's always a great bit of television.
But I don't think Ramsay is the best swearer on television. No, ladies and gentlemen I do not.
The best swearer on television is Susie Essman. She plays Larry David's manager's wife in Curb Your Enthusiasm and she really is the master of the potty mouth. She swears with such ferocity, her face twisted in vitriolic fury, jabbing fingers and fiery eyeballs, she doesn't even need to say the word for it to be offensive. But she does.
I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. But it's only this series that I've realised how much I love Larry David's manager's wife. She's the most hateful, unpleasant, aggressive character on television, and I think she might be the greatest comedy creation this century.
But I don't think Ramsay is the best swearer on television. No, ladies and gentlemen I do not.
The best swearer on television is Susie Essman. She plays Larry David's manager's wife in Curb Your Enthusiasm and she really is the master of the potty mouth. She swears with such ferocity, her face twisted in vitriolic fury, jabbing fingers and fiery eyeballs, she doesn't even need to say the word for it to be offensive. But she does.
I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. But it's only this series that I've realised how much I love Larry David's manager's wife. She's the most hateful, unpleasant, aggressive character on television, and I think she might be the greatest comedy creation this century.
Wednesday 13 February 2008
Great swearing
I am absolutely loving Ramsays Kitchen Nightmare USA on Channel 4. I think it is so enjoyable as good old Gordon has not changed his style to suit the Americans. And his style just does not sit easily with them. Week after week he encounters those wholly insincere Americans that we have all encountered at some point in our lives and week after week he launches into expletive laden diatribes that if he was dealing with Brits we would probably not flinch at but which for some reason are compulsive watching when aimed at the Yanks. It as if they have never heard to f word directed at them directly. The look of sheer delight on some of the waitresses faces as this weeks victim (the owner/chef) was described as a fat, lazy effing pig was a joy to behold. I really like Ramsay - he swears and speaks his mind. I have no doubt some of it is for show but I reckon he is the kind of guy you would go on the pull with and he would tell you honestly if someone was out of your league.
Apologies for the lack of February activity. Mickey and I are just too excited about meeting the rest of the Journal blog team.
Apologies for the lack of February activity. Mickey and I are just too excited about meeting the rest of the Journal blog team.
Friday 1 February 2008
Torchwood
I do wish they'd stop all this adult content on Torchwood.
It's all so unnecessary. Here I am, sitting at home, settling down for a nice bit of sci-fi escapism. Maybe I've got a glass of fruit juice or I'm having a small fun size chocolate bar as a treat. I don't want any trouble, just want to enjoy a story in which time travel, creatures from space or spooky things play a significant role.
What I don't want is to see a bunch of incompetents blunder from bed to bed, putting the fate of all existence on whether they fancy someone or not, falling in lust with people in a completely unconvincing way and acting completely unprofessionally in a work environment.
You have the Welsh girl going from Guppy to Barrowman even though she's engaged. You've got the boss, Barrowman, going after the office junior during work time which would generally be frowned upon in a professional organisation. How can Barrowman do his year end appraisals with any objectivity? He'd have serious problems in an industrial tribunal if he sacked someone.
All for the sake of Torchwood being an "adult" programme.
Well, I say no. It's not adult. It's very very childish. It seems to be written with exactly the same mentality as Doctor Who, except they've stuck a few bedroom scenes in, and put in a bit of saucy chat about kissing and cuddling and that.
I'm sorry to harp on about it all the time, but if you want adult mixed with fantasy, watch Battlestar Galactica. The writers haven't just redone Star Trek and added a couple of sex scenes and a few swears. They've written an adult drama which just happens to be in space. And that's how Torchwood should be done. An adult drama which just happens to have Welsh people kissing and a cuddling in it.
Hmm. This is perhaps my worst post ever. I should have just gone on about how India Fisher's narration on Masterchef is still annoying me. ("For now they can relax, but tomorrow they face two even tougher challenges etc." every episode. Every single episode.)
It's all so unnecessary. Here I am, sitting at home, settling down for a nice bit of sci-fi escapism. Maybe I've got a glass of fruit juice or I'm having a small fun size chocolate bar as a treat. I don't want any trouble, just want to enjoy a story in which time travel, creatures from space or spooky things play a significant role.
What I don't want is to see a bunch of incompetents blunder from bed to bed, putting the fate of all existence on whether they fancy someone or not, falling in lust with people in a completely unconvincing way and acting completely unprofessionally in a work environment.
You have the Welsh girl going from Guppy to Barrowman even though she's engaged. You've got the boss, Barrowman, going after the office junior during work time which would generally be frowned upon in a professional organisation. How can Barrowman do his year end appraisals with any objectivity? He'd have serious problems in an industrial tribunal if he sacked someone.
All for the sake of Torchwood being an "adult" programme.
Well, I say no. It's not adult. It's very very childish. It seems to be written with exactly the same mentality as Doctor Who, except they've stuck a few bedroom scenes in, and put in a bit of saucy chat about kissing and cuddling and that.
I'm sorry to harp on about it all the time, but if you want adult mixed with fantasy, watch Battlestar Galactica. The writers haven't just redone Star Trek and added a couple of sex scenes and a few swears. They've written an adult drama which just happens to be in space. And that's how Torchwood should be done. An adult drama which just happens to have Welsh people kissing and a cuddling in it.
Hmm. This is perhaps my worst post ever. I should have just gone on about how India Fisher's narration on Masterchef is still annoying me. ("For now they can relax, but tomorrow they face two even tougher challenges etc." every episode. Every single episode.)
Monday 21 January 2008
Mastermind
I remember as a child that Ma Davie was a huge fan of University Challenge and Mastermind. She loved answering the questions and to be fair she generally did pretty well. I used to listen to her and think she was very intelligent and would I ever reach that level of intelligence. Of course I knew I would and even at the tender age of 11 I was aware that Ma Davie had many years more experience than me and had read more books and therefore it was only a matter of time before I became that intelligent. I am watching Mastermind as I type. Has this been dumbed down ? I could never answer any questions and now it all seems fairly straight forward and I could certainly make a guess at a lot of the questions rather than pass. And there has been a woman on who chose "The Sopranos" as her specialist subject !! Really - is this allowable? In the 1980's they picked subjects such as "the life and works of some obscure musician" or "King Henry VIII's life between 1508 and 1511". Now someone is picking their favourite TV programme ? I could go and answer questions about the Bill or Neighbours and presumably win this competition. Unbelievable.
Tuesday 8 January 2008
Mickey's Review of Christmas Part 2
Davie's criticism of Doctor Who's Christmas Special allows me to flow seamlessly into part II of my eagerly awaited "Mickey's Review of Christmas" series of posts. For my next thing that I was going to review was the Doctor Who Christmas Special.
And here, I'm starting it now. Look!
Doctor Who
Six weeks ago I was going to do a blog entry where I predicted that the Doctor Who Christmas special would be rubbish. But I was busy with other things (work and that probably, but it might have been laziness), so what would have been an incisive piece of speculative tripe never got to be written. What it would have said was that the fact that they've got Kylie Minogue in it meant that the story would be very dull and they needed a star name to make us forget about how bad it was.
And it turns out that if I had written this, I would have been right. Not even the presence of the great B Cribbins (when oh when will he be knighted?) could rescue it.
And now Davie has watched it, thinking that the Christmas Special will be one of the better episodes, finds a lot of rubbish about a mad company director, and it puts him off sci-fi for another ten years. My success in recommending Heroes to him had almost persuaded him to watch Battlestar Galactica, but this has cancelled out all my good work.
There was one good thing about it. One of the few people to survive was the arrogant dislikable fellow and at the end of it he was still arrogant and dislikable. He hadn't "grown" or "learnt something". I liked that. It reminded me of real life.
New Year Celebrations with Take That
Not my choice of programme to watch over the new year, although thank all that is good that we didn't watch Jool's Holland Hootenanny which appears to have been recorded and not done live over New Year. (Seriously, anyone who thought it was live is clearly a little dim, and anyone who then wrote in to complain that it wasn't live can't handle the 21st century and needs to be taken away to somewhere safe.)
Back to Take That - if there's anyone I didn't want to be the first to "officially" wish me happy new year it was Kate Thornton. I'd have had a happier new year if she'd kept her official new year wishes to herself, but there you go - 2008 off to the worst possible start, thanks Kate.
So there you have it. I watched four programmes over Christmas and New Year and they were all dreadful old rubbish. If only I'd taken time to watch To The Manor Born.
And here, I'm starting it now. Look!
Doctor Who
Six weeks ago I was going to do a blog entry where I predicted that the Doctor Who Christmas special would be rubbish. But I was busy with other things (work and that probably, but it might have been laziness), so what would have been an incisive piece of speculative tripe never got to be written. What it would have said was that the fact that they've got Kylie Minogue in it meant that the story would be very dull and they needed a star name to make us forget about how bad it was.
And it turns out that if I had written this, I would have been right. Not even the presence of the great B Cribbins (when oh when will he be knighted?) could rescue it.
And now Davie has watched it, thinking that the Christmas Special will be one of the better episodes, finds a lot of rubbish about a mad company director, and it puts him off sci-fi for another ten years. My success in recommending Heroes to him had almost persuaded him to watch Battlestar Galactica, but this has cancelled out all my good work.
There was one good thing about it. One of the few people to survive was the arrogant dislikable fellow and at the end of it he was still arrogant and dislikable. He hadn't "grown" or "learnt something". I liked that. It reminded me of real life.
New Year Celebrations with Take That
Not my choice of programme to watch over the new year, although thank all that is good that we didn't watch Jool's Holland Hootenanny which appears to have been recorded and not done live over New Year. (Seriously, anyone who thought it was live is clearly a little dim, and anyone who then wrote in to complain that it wasn't live can't handle the 21st century and needs to be taken away to somewhere safe.)
Back to Take That - if there's anyone I didn't want to be the first to "officially" wish me happy new year it was Kate Thornton. I'd have had a happier new year if she'd kept her official new year wishes to herself, but there you go - 2008 off to the worst possible start, thanks Kate.
So there you have it. I watched four programmes over Christmas and New Year and they were all dreadful old rubbish. If only I'd taken time to watch To The Manor Born.
Monday 7 January 2008
Happy 2008 readers. Well wasn't Christmas TV rubbish ? I try not to watch too much over the festive period but on Christmas night I settled down with Mrs Davie and watched Doctor Who and To the manor born. Now regular readers will appreciate I am no fan of the sci-fi. But Kylie was in Doctor Who so I thought I would give it a go. Lord it was tedious. Yes Kylie was in it and yes she is an attractive girl but is that really the best they can do - a complete rip off of the Poseidon Adventure ? I used to really quite like To the Manor Born but when it was at its peak in the mid 80's did it really have no discernible plot line in an episode? There was about two minutes of nostalgia and 58 minutes of boredom/disbelief.
Still it is 2008 and time to look forward. Already I am enjoying Brotherhood on FX and Damages on BBC1. I had heard nothing about Damages but it might be the best thing on the box right now. Watch it - go on - make it your new years resolution.
Still it is 2008 and time to look forward. Already I am enjoying Brotherhood on FX and Damages on BBC1. I had heard nothing about Damages but it might be the best thing on the box right now. Watch it - go on - make it your new years resolution.
Thursday 3 January 2008
Mickey's Review of Christmas Part 1
Here's my special New Year treat for you all:
A summary of some of the things that I saw and whether I thought they were good or not.
1. Christmas at the Riviera
I've just checked on imdb.com and it appears to have been written and produced by the same people who did The Worst Week Of My Life, which I've never seen, but got good reviews.
It had an allstar cast, with the likes of Alexander Armstrong (out of Armstrong and Miller), Sam Kelly (off of Allo Allo), the bloke who was the neighbour in Saxondale (out of Saxondale), Ferris (off of Darling Buds of May), Reece Shearsmith (out of the League of Gentlemen) etc.
With credentials like that, surely this should be a surefire laugh a minute hit. But wait, it's Christmas. So lets go for tragic characters going through genuinely traumatic and upsetting situations. Poor old Sam Kelly getting over euthanising (is that a word?) his wife from terminal cancer, Ferris going through chemotherapy for her own cancer. Great uplifting and life affirming comedy for Christmas Eve.
It reminded me of the classic Only Fools and Horses Christmas Special when Rodney collapsed in Del's arms as he told him that his beloved Cassandra had had a miscarriage.
2. My Family
I don't watch My Family generally although I understand that Mrs Davie is a big fan.
While I had no fault with the comic performances on show (Lindsay and Wanamaker are at the top of their game), nor with the plot of the programme (genuine farce with very little mawkish sentiment, and no life shattering tragedies to deal with) I watched with a strange sense of bemusement.
My sister-in-law and her family were laughing away, making appreciative comments and looking extremely satisfied with the entertainment on offer. Meanwhile, my brother and I simply sat, occasionally exchanging bewildered glances as to why we weren't enjoying what clearly should have been riproaring British comedy at its best.
I could see that there were jokes and comic situations. I could see where I was supposed to laugh at, and I saw that it was quite well done. But it left me numb. That's right. Lindsay and Wanamaker left me cold and numb.
In summary then: Christmas at the Riviera: not good, less human tragedy in future please; My Family: not good, make it a different kind of funny so that my brother and I will laugh in future please.
I could go on, but I'm trying to cut down on my blog length. I'll do part two in a few days. And as it's 2008 I'll not do my "what I watched on television" bit either. Mind you, I should end with some sort of unfunny quip or in-joke (possibly referencing something that I've written earlier in the post) that finishes the thing off.
Erm, I used a semi-colon in an earlier paragraph. I don't know, but it was probably not appropriate. I've never been able to use them properly. I got a C in English Language O-Level you see.
A summary of some of the things that I saw and whether I thought they were good or not.
1. Christmas at the Riviera
I've just checked on imdb.com and it appears to have been written and produced by the same people who did The Worst Week Of My Life, which I've never seen, but got good reviews.
It had an allstar cast, with the likes of Alexander Armstrong (out of Armstrong and Miller), Sam Kelly (off of Allo Allo), the bloke who was the neighbour in Saxondale (out of Saxondale), Ferris (off of Darling Buds of May), Reece Shearsmith (out of the League of Gentlemen) etc.
With credentials like that, surely this should be a surefire laugh a minute hit. But wait, it's Christmas. So lets go for tragic characters going through genuinely traumatic and upsetting situations. Poor old Sam Kelly getting over euthanising (is that a word?) his wife from terminal cancer, Ferris going through chemotherapy for her own cancer. Great uplifting and life affirming comedy for Christmas Eve.
It reminded me of the classic Only Fools and Horses Christmas Special when Rodney collapsed in Del's arms as he told him that his beloved Cassandra had had a miscarriage.
2. My Family
I don't watch My Family generally although I understand that Mrs Davie is a big fan.
While I had no fault with the comic performances on show (Lindsay and Wanamaker are at the top of their game), nor with the plot of the programme (genuine farce with very little mawkish sentiment, and no life shattering tragedies to deal with) I watched with a strange sense of bemusement.
My sister-in-law and her family were laughing away, making appreciative comments and looking extremely satisfied with the entertainment on offer. Meanwhile, my brother and I simply sat, occasionally exchanging bewildered glances as to why we weren't enjoying what clearly should have been riproaring British comedy at its best.
I could see that there were jokes and comic situations. I could see where I was supposed to laugh at, and I saw that it was quite well done. But it left me numb. That's right. Lindsay and Wanamaker left me cold and numb.
In summary then: Christmas at the Riviera: not good, less human tragedy in future please; My Family: not good, make it a different kind of funny so that my brother and I will laugh in future please.
I could go on, but I'm trying to cut down on my blog length. I'll do part two in a few days. And as it's 2008 I'll not do my "what I watched on television" bit either. Mind you, I should end with some sort of unfunny quip or in-joke (possibly referencing something that I've written earlier in the post) that finishes the thing off.
Erm, I used a semi-colon in an earlier paragraph. I don't know, but it was probably not appropriate. I've never been able to use them properly. I got a C in English Language O-Level you see.
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