Sommers over

Yes, just like Davie says, apologies and all that. I know I've let you down, and I don't want to beg, but please, I'm begging you, please, just give me one more chance. Just one more chance! I promise you I won't let you down again.

And like the soft hearted puppy that is Sir Alan Sugar, you accept my doe eyed monotone shameless entreaties and read on, knowing in your heart of hearts that it's just going to be the same old rubbish about cookery programmes and Battlestar Galactica.

It was on for only eight episodes, it finished its UK run a couple of weeks ago and it starred that Zoe Slater lass off of EastEnders. I am of course referring to the Bionic Woman.

It was a reimagining of a seventies classic, a bit like that programme I like, what's it called again? Yes, Battlestar Galactica.

In many ways it was similar to BSG (as I like to call it). One of the producers was David Eick (whoever he is). Katie Sackhoff was a supporting cast member playing a slightly disturbed tough girl. Erm, the font used in some of the titles looked similar and plots revolved around things happening involving people.

So far, so good. They were ticking all the right boxes.

Unfortunately, they forgot about one thing when making the Bionic Woman. They forgot to make it good. Or to put it another way, they forgot to not make it crap.

You see, where Battlestar Galactica is written so that it is interesting and keeps your attention, Bionic Woman was written so that it was not interesting and doesn't keep your attention. It's an easy mistake to make.

And who's the real fool? The US writer who thought that weak, unimaginative storylines with no surprises would do in this day and age (I believe I should refer to phenomena such as the myspace generation and "Youtube" at this point)? Or me for sitting through eight episodes of poor television knowing that it had been cancelled for being not very good?

The answer of course is Apprentice cock Michael Sophocles for not knowing what kosher means despite being half-Jewish. If he doesn't get fired in the next two weeks I shall walk naked through the streets of Newcastle in protest.