I'm going to do numbering with subheadings. It's easier.
Reason 6
When it was on twice a week, a plot building up over four weeks only took eight episodes of misunderstandings, stalled resolutions and genuine development before the denouement. Now the same plot lasting four weeks needs sixteen episodes. This means the writers have got to drag it out so that it loses any impact. You get the same amount of genuine development (because there's only so much plot) and the rest of the time is filled with these awful scenes where things look as though they're about to happen but in the end don't (maybe because Pat steps in with a cheery comment at just the wrong moment). The producers introduce more characters supposedly to fill out the show with more plots, but in reality the show has become all filler with the odd big event every couple of months.
Reason 7
Talking of those awful scenes where plot development is delayed for at least one episode, the worst is one they use all the time. It's the one where plot progression requires one character to say something to another character, usually something that they'll find difficult to say, something that they've been putting off. So, for example, I don't know, Little Mo needs to tell Billy that there are complications with her pregnancy. Usually this is pre-empted by Little Mo listening in on a conversation between Dot and erm Doctor Trueman where Dot is telling him that she always finds that telling someone something is better than keeping it in.
Little Mo then goes up to Billy, and grasping the nettle says "Billy, I need to tell you something. It's really important."
And then Billy says "Oh yes, I need to tell you something as well."
"Oh what is it you want to say Billy?"
"No, Little Mo, you first."
"No Billy, you first."
"Okay then. I'm really excited about the baby. I've bought this toy and everything. Oh, it's going to be great. And it's so good that there are no complications with the pregnancy or anything. And it is for that reason that I love you Little Mo."
"Oh that's great Billy."
"It is, isn't it. I'd probably kill myself if there were pregnancy complications! Now, Little Mo. What was it you wanted to say to me?"
"Oh, it' s not important. It can wait."
And then they hug, Billy looks happy and relaxed, but zoom in to Little Mo's face. She's looking upset and worried!! DRAMA!!! DUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUM! CLOSING CREDITS with Billy and Little Mo on the first screen!!!!!
Every other plot has this predictable device stuck in to string the story along for another couple of days. Do the writers think that we're all watching it going, OOH. This is exciting. She almost told him, but then didn't! Have they not learned anything from 24?? Do the terrorists ever say at the end of an episode, "We said we were going to blow the bomb up now but we were just testing you. We won't blow the bomb up for another sixty minutes"? (The answer for those who don't watch 24 is "No Mickey. They appreciate that to maintain drama they need to progress the plot so therefore they don't do that.")
Reason 8
And the fact that every rubbish magazine has the plots of soaps plastered on the covers doesn't help. There was a time when the only plot given away was a quote from the episode. "Poor old Reg" it may or may not have said for the first episode. And now we know exactly what will happen because there is a picture special of the crash into the canal and the bit where Den gets hit and Phil's mad girlfriend destroying Ben's toys. Let us find out for ourselves! Watching a new episode of EastEnders is like watching it for a second time within a week.
Reason 9
Wait, let me think. I know this one. Yes! Characters changing so that they become the same as the actor who plays them. I can only think of two examples. Billy Mitchell, who went from evil cowardly child abuser to tragicomic idiot. And Barry from EastEnders, who went from dodgy dealer with underworld connections who found a contract killer so that Cindy Beale could get Ian killed, to tragicomic idiot.
Reason 10
The episode where Dot did euthanasia on Ethel Skinner was brilliant, and whatever they do after that will always be complete crap in comparison.
And they are my top ten reasons for why I don't watch EastEnders anymore.
The television of note that I watched last night:
- Tycoon - It's as bad as they say. It's only like Dragon's Den meets the Apprentice if, when they met, both Dragon's Den and the Apprentice were dead and had been dead for three years. And Peter Jones keeps on moaning about how great and philanthropic he is putting his money on the line here. He's put £180k out of his £200million fortune into it. That's the equivalent of a few quid for the rest of us. And it's done by his production company, so he'd get any income from the programme anyway. And it was probably all his idea to give away the money. And that's why it's been axed from primetime. It's a vanity project. First he drops Richard Farley from Dragon's Den and now he inflicts Tycoon on me. Still, at least he got rid of that freaky kid ("I'm shutting your operation down!" he said. There should have been a follow up programme on ITV2 with Mark Pougatch, "Tycoon: Your operation has been shut down").
- Vanished - It's five's US import about an American senator's wife who vanishes and the people who've done it are always one step ahead of the FBI. It's very much like Channel Four's US import Kidnapped, and just as dull. You can really tell that the television companies are scraping the barrel at the moment. Hurry up and get showing the Shield.
- Rome - I don't really have much to say about this. It's another one where it's lacking something. I don't really care about it. I don't really look forward to watching it. It'm suffering television compassion fatigue.
This was a very long blog entry. In hindsight I should have split my reasons into three, but I hadn't realised that Reason 7 was going to take so long to articulate. I apologise for the inconvenience.
No comments:
Post a Comment