Howard

I know I should "mix it up" a bit. I should write about something I'm really liking at the moment. I should give you a three paragraph summary of why I like the new Battlestar Galactica so much, or perhaps a self-deprecating bullet point list of what's good about Masterchef Goes Large but I'm not going to.

I could take this opportunity to write about a programme or television personality that has annoyed me. Maybe my views on how Carol Vorderman has destroyed Countdown would be an appropriate subject.

I'm sorry, gentle reader, but I can't do this. I once again turn to the advert as subject for my inaccurate and ill-conceived ramblings.

I don't think a series of adverts have annoyed me so consistently as those for the Halifax.

The concept for each advert is quite complex, but I shall attempt to explain it. Get a member of staff of the Halifax Bank of Scotland group (hereafter known simply as "the Halifax"), get him/her to sing a well-known song, except change the lyric so that it advertises a savings or loan product offered by "the Halifax".

Can you understand the concept that I have just described in the paragraph above? Have the words made sense to you? It's difficult so I'll try to describe it more simply within inverted commas.

""The Halifax" people do a song and dance about something that "the Halifax" want you to buy."

I know it's tough, this one. I used to be one of the finest minds of my generation and I struggle with the subtleties of "the Halifax"'s approach. I sometimes wonder whether they've overestimated the intelligence of the Great British public.

I mean, are we ready for the words to "Sexbomb" to be changed to "Extra"? It's confusing. I'm expecting Howard (from "the Halifax") to sing "Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb." I mean, that's the tune. How can he not sing that? But there are words coming out of his mouth but they don't sound like the words that should be coming out of his mouth. It upsets me, it goes against all rational thought, but it's true. The words are actually different. "Extra, extra, [something]* extra" HOW CAN THIS BE? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD??

(* Replace "[something]" with what he actually sings here, I have no idea and can't be bothered to look it up on the millions of websites which probably exist with the lyrics to "the Halifax" adverts. It might be "We'll give you..." or words to that effect, but really, I'm a busy man. It's already after 8pm and I haven't had my tea yet.)

But wait! Extra! They're saying Extra, and look! There's a letter X in the name of the bank. "The HalifaX". So, it's eXtra! So everything's okay. And look at the end all the members of staff have stood in the shape of an X, and, do you know what? I do believe that they're waving to me!! Me!!! Living alone, with only the television for company. I do have friends after all. It's the employees of the Halifax Bank of Scotland Group! All is well with my life.

I can't remember what point I was trying to make here. I'm sure I was going to go on about the one where they did something based on the Big Brovaz (or whatever they were called), but I've kind of lost my thread. And I don't think I even touched on why the adverts annoy me.

What I watched last night

Masterchef Goes Large (five nights a week, I hope it finishes soon, it's getting a little tedious)
The Gadget Show (I like gadgets, I really do)
The Daily Show (from last week - Jon Stewart had a cold, and made some jokes about politics and that)
Prison Break
Nip/Tuck
(I also watched some news, and played on my Wii but I don't really count this)

At some point I should probably learn how to do some sort of hyperlinking type thing, as that's the sort of thing that happens on these so-called bloggies. I've managed to work out how to turn text blue and underline it - give me a couple of weeks and I'll have the whole "linking to other pages" sorted as well.

Oh, and a very happy Pancake Day to all you pancake lovers out there. I myself will be having spaghetti bolognese for my tea.