What about that advert for the Astra? The one that starts with that awful bloke yelling at the top of his voice, "HEY WORLD, HEEEERE IIIIIII AAAAAAAAAMMMMM!" while the cars do jumps and somersaults and that? I really am no fan of it.
At first I didn't mind it. "Ah look," I thought in my normal relaxed and pleasant-minded way, "an advert where cars are doing jumps and somersaults and that. It's quite clever."
And after a while it really got to me. It's the way it starts. The big band music blares out (and I'm no fan of big band music) with the trumpet blasting with so much enthusiasm it's almost as though the musician thinks he's doing a good job. Then the awful bloke starts yelling at the top of his voice, "HEY WORLD HEEEERE IIIIIIII AAAAAAAAMMMMMM!" And I'm in the other room because the adverts are on and I've decided to take the opportunity to pour myself a nice glass of, oh I don't know, Cranberry and Raspberry flavour drink, and the volume is suddenly so loud and this awful bloke has invaded the sanctity of my home with his caterwauling.
So I run back into my sitting room and have to mute the television, because the awful shouting is just the beginning. He then softens his voice to a mere bellow, and jauntily informs us through the medium of song that we shouldn't "tell him not to fly" or something or other, eventually imploring us not to rain on his parade and all the while these Astras are doing this intricate jumping type thing, because everyone is having so much bloody fun because life is so great.
Well, I'm sorry caterwauling gentleman, but I am raining on your parade. Your tune is a bombastic heap and the driving of these cars of yours is reckless. What gives you the right over everyone else to shout out your existence? If everyone suddenly shouted "HEY WORLD HEEEEERE IIIIIII AAAAAAAAMMM!!" every time they stepped out their front door on a morning (in order to drive to a postbox by the way), life would be even more unbearable than it already is.
Last night I watched...
some of Relocation Relocation (the contestants or whatever they are were called PJ and Hereward!)
Life on Mars
Ten minutes of Shameless
Battlestar Galactica
Masterchef Goes Large (recorded from earlier)
Actually, is the advert for an Astra? Maybe it's a Corsa or something? No, probably an Astra.
Oh and happy St Valentines Day to all you lovers out there. I myself am single and live alone.
