Monday 26 February 2007

I AM MICKEY. I REQUIRE PITY.

Two bad television related things happened to me this weekend (well, three if you count the two minutes of Dancing on Ice I accidentally saw, hahahahaha, that was a satirical joke).

Firstly, there was the news about the spat between Virgin Media and BSkyB. I live in a flat and I'm not allowed to put up a dish, so my multichannel viewing pleasure is provided by Virgin Media (who used to be NTL:Telewest (who used to be Telewest (they were probably someone before this, but that's before my time))).

It also happens that my three favourite programmes at the moment, Battlestar Galactica (hereafter known as BSG), 24 and Lost, are shown on Sky One. Virgin have decided that BSkyB are asking too much for the carriage rights to show Sky One (and Sky News and Sky Travel(!)) and so talks have broken down, and if they don't get back to the table Sky One will be off my television screen at the end of this month.

When I initially read this story, you can only imagine my fury. I was at work at the time, looking at the internet during my lunchbreak. I practically spat out my fairly stale mozzarella, tomato and pesto ciabatta all over my desk. I have cable so that I can watch the latest shows at the earliest time. I pay for these channels because I have no life and television makes me forget that for a time.

And now, Virgin are saying that they are fighting on my behalf by standing up to BSkyB and refusing to pay the extortionate amount they are asking for Sky One (and Sky Travel - for pity's sake don't forget about Sky Travel).

My initial thought was to put Virgin Media out of business. The only way I could think of doing that was by me cancelling my existing subscription, but then I'd lose the sports channels, and the cricket world cup starts next month and as it's on in the West Indies it'll be on at a really good time on an evening when I come home from work. And I'd lose my excellently reliable broadband service. And I'd really miss my TV Drive (or V+ box or whatever it's called these days).

So I can't do that. My next thought was to phone customer services and complain very strongly. But when I got home I couldn't be bothered. I really don't like speaking to strangers on the phone.

So I'm going to do nothing. Pathetic. It's just the story of my life. I'll just silently seethe when I read that Virgin have more than made up for the loss of Sky One by acquiring the rights to Lost themselves, so that I can get it using TV On Demand. IN AUGUST. I'll be able to get it on DVD by then. And what about 24 and BSG??? When's Mickey going to see those programmes??

And we've got a great new On Demand channel. Which allows us to see old episodes of the Office whenever we want. Or three episodes of Alias season 4. Why??? What's the point of season 4 of Alias?? What about seasons 1 - 3?? Have people got no sense? Are they just trying to annoy me.

I mean I'd pay extra. Sky One for me is far superior to the dross you get day after day on the Movie channels (the only reason I have them is because they're really cheap with the sports). Make Sky One a premium channel. I'd pay a fiver a month for it. I really would.

So Sunday night was the last time I would be able to watch 24 and Lost in the comfort of my own home.

I like to wait for a bit before I watch them - put them on my TV Drive recorder so I can skip through the adverts. (Have I mentioned that I dislike adverts? Seriously, I can't stand them. Anything which gives Michael Winner a catchphrase can only lead to the fall of mankind.)

So while I was waiting I did my ironing. Sunday night, five shirts. It's a simple ritual, but one I find pleasing - knowing that I don't need to iron again until the next weekend.

Midway through my third shirt, my iron starts crackling and suddenly all my electrics go off, including my television and my TV Drive midway through recording. Oh my language was choice. Some would say it was a little raw, perhaps a little saucy. My face was contorted in a reddened fury (I assume - I live on my own, and I didn't have the presence to look in the mirror to check me out) as I sorted out my fuses.

So the recording was lost, and I had nothing to watch. And my iron was broke. And I'd only done two shirts.

And I can't watch Saturday's repeat of 24, as Sky One will have gone by then.

Oh, you people don't know you're born. Try living my life!!

What I watched on television yesterday:

  • Primeval (from Saturday - it's on ITV, it's cheesey but I like it).
  • Click (it's a thing on News 24 about technology and that).
  • Top Gear (have you noticed how the title works in many ways? It refers to "Top Gear" in the sense of it being the highest gear in a car. But it also refers to the things that they are showing you. Effectively they are saying that a particular car they are showing you is "Top Gear". It's very very clever).
  • The Conspiracy Files (I watched the first fifty minutes but missed the end because of the ironing incident).
  • The first bit of 24 that I managed to record until I saw that it was unwatchable and included an audio description of what was happening. Supposedly this happened to only 400 people.

I'm going to watch Heroes tonight. It's sort of like X-Men or something. It's canny, like.

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