The Doctor

Welcome home, Davie. I was beginning to struggle holding Britain's favourite North-East based television blog written by people called Mickey and Davie together for a couple of days there. I don't know whether you noticed, but I almost lost my ability to make witty and inciteful comments about the state of the British television industry and just went on about how much certain adverts annoy me.

I am actually quite angry tonight, as my old faithful computer is finally reaching the end of its life. I'm a very impatient man, and when I click to start my internet, I expect it to set up immediately. A delay of longer than five seconds is unacceptable to me, and "Mickey's PC" (as I like to call it) is now taking over thirty seconds from click to homepage. It's almost as annoying as having to listen to someone whistling in a supermarket. (You're in a supermarket! There are people around! They can hear you. Do you think they want to listen to your idiotic twittering?? Do you think they hear it and say ooh how charming, some music! Let's tarry awhiles and listen to the sweet sounds emerging from that musical gentleman's pursed lips. Do you really think that?? How about I go around shouting a System of a Down song at the top of my voice right in your ear while you're having a picnic with your family?? Would you like that?? Because it's the same thing. Exactly the same thing!)

But this has nothing to do with television. So I'd best mention the return of my all-time favourite television show this week. I am of course talking about (and here I unsuccessfully try to think of an amusingly bad television programme that returned this week before just telling the truth with) Doctor Who, or, as I used to call it when I was two, "Doggaddoggooah."

Ever since I've known television I've loved Doggaddoggooah. It must have been back in the Jon Pertwee days that I started watching it. Even though I could barely speak, every Saturday night I would yell for my parents to put it on. Doggaddoggooah and I fell out for a season or two during the dark times when Colin Baker and worst-assistant-ever, Bonnie Langford took over. (I must have been about fifteen. Bonnie Langford!! Was it Michael Grade's fault? What on earth was he thinking? Bonnie Langford is so annoying that she'd make me stop watching Doctor Who - there can be nothing more annoying by definition! Now he's at ITV is he going to fiddle with Primevel and replace Hannah from S Club with Carol Vorderman?)

So, it started well. I like the new assistant, Martha Jones, and I was exceptionally pleased to see that her brother is played by that Reggie Yates off of Top Of The Pops.

Mind you, I didn't appreciate the kiss. That sort of thing might be all well and good and expected in fairly poor spinoff Torchwood, with its adult themes and random swearing at inappropriate moments, but Doggaggoggooah doesn't kiss! Especially not on the lips. And he'd only just met her. At least when Doggaddoggooah kissed Billie, I mean Rose, at the end of "season one" (or "season twenty-eight" as I like to call it (if I'm counting the TV Movie as a season, which I shouldn't)) she'd known him for a bit, but even then I disapproved. It's like they're trying to make Doggaddoggooah sexy or twenty-first century, to give a will they won't they Moonlighting type theme running through it. Could you see Patrick Troughton or William Hartnell having a snog with their assistants? It's not on. No more of that sort of nonsense, say I!

Once again I'm well past my two hundred words, I didn't make half of the points I was going to about Doggaddoggooah and I haven't even started my hilarious review of last night's viewing which tonight I'm going to call "Mickey's viewing for the Monday night just gone".

Mickey's viewing for the Monday night just gone:

• The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (I record it every night but don't watch it every night. It's a moderate worry to me.)
• Children of Men (Virgin Media have a special offer on. It cost a penny to watch it, so I "spent a penny". I really enjoyed it. It's not like I thought it was going to be. Really grim, but strangely familiar. And it was set in the future which made it sci-fi. And I like sci-fi.)
• Heroes (Hmm, beginning to slow down, not as good as the first few. It's fallen off the pace a bit. I still love it, but it's going through a bit of a Lost mid-season lull (It just took ten seconds for my PC to register that I'd typed lull there. It's really getting to me. I'd buy a new one, but I'm trying to move house. I want to save a bit of cash! TRY LIVING MY LIFE!))
• Prison Break (Predictable. I could have told you what was going to happen before the episode started.)
• Born Survivor: Bear Grylls (or is it Bear Grylls: Born Survivor? He ate a raw sea urchin, poisoned some fish and hurt his privates while climbing down a tree.)

Apprentice tomorrow, and first Apprentice night of the year at Mr & Mrs T's tomorrow night! As a special bonus, Davie and Mrs Davie have agreed to let me watch this week's 24 beforehand! You know, life's not that bad, after all.