The British Sketch Show

Here is my thing on why I think the British Sketch Show is not very good anymore.

I submit to you that every new sketch show produced in the last three years has just been a mindless collection of catchphrases and characters repeated episode after episode. And what is more, I proclaim that these sketch shows are unfunny! Yes. I do.

Take Catherine Tate, for example. As well as the hilarious Lauren who asks the straight person in each sketch an amusing question over and over again, we have the hysterical bald fellow who exhibits indignation when the straight person in each sketch assumes that he's gay, we have the grandmother who swears (and may have a catchphrase, I don't know, I can't remember, I haven't watched the show enough, yes, I know I haven't thought this through very well, I'm very sorry), the woman who is looking for a husband with sidesplitting consequences each week, and there's probably someone who works in an office or something.

Then there's Little Britain. The format of the sketches are so formulaic they write themselves. Put a character in a situation, say the stock catchphrases, job done. Lou and Andy are a bit different in that they have two sketch formats. Lou and Andy go somewhere. While Lou isn't looking, Andy gets out of his wheelchair and does something active. Or Andy wants something slightly strange, then once he's got it decides he doesn't want it. (E.g. Andy decides that life crippled in a wheelchair is too much for him and he asks Lou to assist him with his suicide. Lou reluctantly agrees, firstly asking "Are you sure you want to do this? Remember you said that euthanasia was the start of a slippery slope that made a mockery of the sanctity of human life?" Andy responds "I know," or something. They go ahead with it. Just after the lethal injection has been administered, and there's no going back, Andy says "What are we doing tomorrow?" or something.)

And all new sketch shows follow the same format. Tittybangbang, Man Stroke Woman, there was one on Channel 4 which was like Man Stroke Woman but I can't remember the name, I think Charlie Brooker wrote a couple of sketches in it, just a minute I'll look it up... Spoons, that's what it was called, and yes, Charlie Brooker wrote some sketches for it. Start off promising, some original sketches, then next episode, exactly the same. Mitchell & Webb, while having proper sketches, ruined it all by repeating the one joke sketch, Numberwang, over and over again, and inflicting those awful dull snooker commentators on us. Whenever the snooker commentators appeared it gave me the same feeling of sickening disappointment as I used to get when Smith and Jones did their head-to-heads, or when Ronnie Corbett came on to give his monologue. I tried to laugh, I really did. But deep down I knew I was in for three or four minutes of slow and tedious unfunny comedy.

So, my point is this. Stop pandering to schoolchildren with this "familiar characters in amusing situations" nonsense. It's lazy. Write enough material for six half hour sketch shows rather than just repeat half an hour's worth of sketches six times. Be more like Fry and Laurie and Big Train. Oh, and stop doing Christmas Specials. I hate Christmas and everything to do with it. Especially the music. Especially "So Here It Is, Merry Christmas" by Slade. Especially the bit where Noddy Holder shouts "It's Christmas!"

And that is my thing on why I think the British Sketch Show is not very good anymore.

What television night:

• The Gadget Show (I don't watch it for the gadgets, it's the will they/won't they sexual chemistry between Jason Bradbury, Suzi Perry and John Bentley).
• The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
• More cricket
• Heroes
• Prison Break

I shall take this opportunity to go all Richard Madeley on whoever stole the number plates from my car on Sunday night. As I type this, I'm furiously shaking my fist at the screen. Be warned. I shall shake my fist even more furiously when I get bogus speeding tickets.