Stupid Designs

Davie, what have you got against Limahl? Did Kajagoogoo's "Too Shy" prevent Spandau Ballet's classic Instinction from getting to number one? Of course, the problem with your C list Celebrity Island would be that your hero, Tony Hadley, would get himself on it. And then you'd have no choice but to watch the twenty-four hour live feed on ITV2.

Having watched Grand Designs last night, I am seeing a common theme. These people building their new homes are made out to be visionaries, courageous souls who will stop at nothing to see their dream fulfilled, noble and single-minded, self-sacrificing and heroic.

But they're not. They're selfish idiots, gambling their lives and their children's welfare over a whim, or some stupid drunken idea they've had.

A couple of weeks ago, we had the obsessed architect who almost destroyed his children's inheritance because he wanted to live in a castle. Last week, there was the bloke with the mullet who'd not even insured his house despite having a baby on the way, and then made things worse by calling his little girl Beaver. Beaver!! Seriously, she needs to be schooled at home, she won't survive a day at a comprehensive with a name like that.

Then this week we had Green Billy with his recycled houseboat, made out of scrap. At least the other two had money to burn. Green Billy had no money and two children! Didn't he feel some responsibility? Perhaps having children makes you more reckless, makes you take unnecessary and stupid stupid risks. Maybe it makes you want to trust in fate to just let everything land on your lap.

Surely any sane man would have been crippled with an overwhelming feeling of utter horror at the monstrosity that he was wasting all of his money on. He didn't even have anywhere to put it! How could he show his face on television? How can he get up in the morning? What is going on in his head? Where is his shame?? He has two children. Two children!

At the end of the show, Kevin McCloud did the right thing and brought in social services who took the children away from him. The last scene showed Green Billy wandering naked and confused around a scrapyard muttering to himself about finding a recycled wind turbine.

Television shows I watched last night:

• MGL x 2 (Aspiring Michelin Star chef, Ben looks to be out of the running now. Unless he pulls something pretty special off tonight, I'd say flamboyant chef, Steven or experimental chef, Hannah will win it.)
• Grand Designs
• Daybreak (The first episode. It's an American sci-fi type show where this bloke keeps experiencing the same day over and over again. You know, like that film.)