Tuesday 13 March 2007

Mr Jimmy Nesbitt

Davie. Thank you for informing me of Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's upcoming appearance in Lost. I'm sure you'll be equally pleased to hear that Julia Roberts and Helen Hunt have just been signed up to play Jack Bauer's sisters in the current series of 24. There'll be chaotic laughs aplenty as Jim Carrey and Robin Williams will be playing their wisecracking husbands!

Davie knows that I'm no fan of Mr Jimmy Nesbitt. It's another one of my intensely rational dislikes. What bothers me about Mr Jimmy Nesbitt is that in every single picture you see of Mr Jimmy Nesbitt, Mr Jimmy Nesbitt is forcing Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's forehead at you while contorting Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's mouth into a smile so tight that it looks like someone has drawn it using a ten pence piece.

Here's a picture of Mr Jimmy Nesbitt. Here's another one. How about this one? I could continue, but I won't.

Every time I open the Radio Times, there Mr Jimmy Nesbitt is with Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's mouth looking so smug that Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's chin is practically coming out of the page and hitting me, in an article about Cold Feet, something about Murphy's Law, playing Dr Jekyll, Mr Jimmy Nesbitt this, Mr Jimmy Nesbitt that. Blah blah Mr Jimmy Nesbitt blah.

Then Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's doing those Yellow Pages adverts. There's one where Mr Jimmy Nesbitt makes out that Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's good at something but it turns out that Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's just full of himself (typical man, right girls? Brilliant stuff Yellow Pages!! Seriously brilliant brilliant stuff.) and Mr Jimmy Nesbitt has to rely on the excellent and diverse services on offer in Yellow Pages to get Mr Jimmy Nesbitt out of a tight situation that has ensued directly from Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's lack of ability. There's another one where Mr Jimmy Nesbitt gets something from Yellow Pages for Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's loser friend, but it turns out that the thing that Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's loser friend gets would be better used by Mr Jimmy Nesbitt, as Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's loser friend is not as much a loser as Mr Jimmy Nesbitt. All self deprecating, but all done with that same smugness which says "Hey ladies, Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's being self-deprecating, but in real life Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's quite a catch!"

I genuinely worry that when David Tennant decides to leave Doctor Who, they'll replace him with Mr Jimmy Nesbitt. At least they don't have the Doctor's face on opening credits anymore. That would be too much to take, Mr Jimmy Nesbitt's face - all chin, forehead, eyebrows and smugness hurtling down a space tunnel, especially if it did the awful wink that they had in later series. I'd never sleep again.

Not that I've actually seen anything with Mr Jimmy Nesbitt in of course (apart from the adverts). Well, I saw Millions, the Danny Boyle film, on an aeroplane once, and I thought Mr Jimmy Nesbitt was quite good in it. I'll shut up.

And now part eight in my popular series, What I, Mickey, watched on my television last night:.

What I, Mickey, watched on my television last night:
  • The Gadget Show (This time I didn't fall asleep. I had a better night's sleep on Sunday night.)
  • MGL (Sadly, Geordie David has been knocked out. I think I want Ben to win it now, or Hannah, I suppose. As long as Steven doesn't win.)
  • Castaway the last 24 hours (Or something like that, I don't know the title. Why am I watching Castaway? It's fairly dull, the people are annoying and I don't think I like it. I could always pretend that it's Lost and that Alister is Hurley.)
  • Harry Hill's TV Burp (From Saturday. It's bizarre that the funniest programme on television at the moment is being shown on ITV on an early Saturday evening.)
  • The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (I can't think of any comment for this one.)
  • Heroes (No one I know watches it, so I can't talk about it to anyone without being intensely annoying and boring. Sadly that doesn't stop me.)
  • Prison Break (I think the writers make it up on an episode by episode basis. There's no coherent storyline. It's good.)
Over four hours of telly last night, and all I can rant about is a kindhearted and well-loved actor whose face annoys me. Shame on me. Shame on me.

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